Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

Losing my daughter to dads new gf?

My daughter has lived wit her dad for past 5 yrs unfortunately n i dont c her much due to her father.we have court this monday so i can get her down my house for weekends.my daughter is 8.recently a friend told me my ex has a new gf who spends alot of time wit my daughter n it hit my heart like a ton of bricks.supposively they play games n do nails etc.i mentioned to my daughter that i heard bout this from my friend n how it hurts me n my daughter got mad at me n said she didnt want me to kno bout the new gf n i wonder y shed want to keep it a secret from me.i guess cuz she figured id get mad.my daughter been hardly talkin to me on phone when i call n gives me attitude or ignores me n changes subject.she also said she mad at me cuz im not always around.so im thinkin mayb she mad cuz she wants it to b me around like the gf is n im unable to b.this is killin me.i feel im losing my daughter to new gf.what can i do or say to my daughter to fix this.

Answer Question
 
lostmommy326

Asked by lostmommy326 at 1:00 PM on Jun. 23, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 4 (31 Credits)
Answers (37)
  • I don't really know why she lives with the father.. and why you haven't seen her..

    but it sounds to me like she kind of resents you for leaving. She likes having a woman there with her to do girl things.. but she knows you are her mom and maybe she doesn't want to hurt you by telling you she has someone to spend time with her.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 1:02 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • & I'd thank God that he found a woman to take care of your daughter like she does.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 1:02 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • You realize, your daughter has found somebody she likes, and enjoys spending her time with, and you have laid a guilt trip on her.
    If you want to be closer to your daughter, spend more time with her. But there is nothing you can do about her being close to somebody else. If anything, that is a good thing and you should encourage it.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 1:03 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Why did you even mention to your dd you heard about it? She is 8. Do you play her off her dad?
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 1:03 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • What do you expect? If you aren't a part of her life as much as she needs, of course she found a mother figure somewhere else. I would think twice before confronting her again on the subject. Try to think of things through your young daughter's perscpective. I would try to bond over fun things like taking her to a movie or for a day of fun at an amusement park. I think this relationship is salvagable but you have to be there for her. Good Luck.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 1:06 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • it looks like u have acces to computer..try video chats where u both could be doin your nails or wtching the same moving ...though it may be xpensive ...it may save your relationship..dont be jelous of the new gf... or your daughter b happy that the gf is a good one not like cinderella...open the lines oc communication with your daughter to b more like friends u actually have the advantage of not being "the bad guy" and u have more influence as a friend-peer pressure and all that..
    lmelecio1985

    Answer by lmelecio1985 at 1:08 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Telling her that you are broken hearted because she has a good relationship with another woman is not what you tell an eight year old. You should be happy that she has someone. Her heart is big enough to love you both. You have to earn her love just like the girlfriend is.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 1:09 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • No i dont play her off her dad.i lost my daughter before due to my depression which was caused by her fathers verbal n mental abuse toward me.i mentioned the new gf to my daughter cuz it did have me upset n i just wanted to talk to her bout it.im not mad at her im more so mad at my ex cuz in still fightin to c my daughter regularly but yet now this girl is spendin all her time wit my daughter. N one reason my ex dont want my daughter at my house is cuz he dont want my daughter around my bf whom ive been livin wit for a yr n who im also havin a baby with.in 7.5 months prego.
    lostmommy326

    Comment by lostmommy326 (original poster) at 1:11 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I am a new gf to my boyfriend's daughter. He has her full time and the mother only sees her every other weekend. His daughter bonds with me, but I know that I will never take her mother's place. I am sure your daughter loves you more because you are her mother, but it is a good thing that she found a healthy female to bond with given the circumstances that you are not around. BTW: The reason her father has her full time and not the mom is because she was not there for her child as a mother should be. It is rare for the father to have the child more than the mother. Maybe you should re-evaluate what you have done to get you in this position and stop trying to blame the new gf for being a good person to your daughter.
    CasperMom2008

    Answer by CasperMom2008 at 1:14 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • OK I understand, but you NEVER put such a young kid in a situation like you did by telling her that. You just opened a whole new can of worms with issues.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 1:14 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.