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2 Bumps

What would you do ?

I will start out by saying that I do not like my son's girlfriend... but since she is having my grandchild I try to like her ( but I have ALWAYS been nice to her ) she even lived with me for about 6 months.

The main reason I do not like her is because she treats my son badly, it is obvious she tries to control him and she is just very possesive, I know it is also my sons fault for staying with her ( and making a baby with her) but still, I dont think any parent could say they like a person who would treat their child the way she does.

I have gotten the baby the majority of the things , besides a few outfits I have bought all of the clothes, I have bought the bedding, I bought the paint and border....

Now she is constantly sending me text messages and asking me WHEN ( not if ) will i buy the crib, carseat, playpen, and she also wants a high chair ( which i planned on buying around christmas, since the baby wont need it yet) ....

This is a 26 year old woman who has a job... my son also has a job ( and is 19).... when they first moved in together after she got pregnant the deal was that he would pay the rent and utilites and she would pay for food and the things for the baby ( diapers, formula, etc) ...

My son has told me that she has been buying alot of things, but nothing for the baby , and therefore now he is asking me if I could buy the things the baby needs because now he is worried that they wont have the things in time ( the baby is due in august).

The problem is, i am having money troubles, i cant buy all of those things... Of course I want to buy my grandaughter everything she could ever want and need, but it makes me so mad becuase her mother literally has EXTRA money, but is spending it on herself, and just expects me to buy the things for her child.

and now to top it off... I get a text today from her the said " are you going to throw me a baby shower or what ?"

Back after we found out she was having a girl, I started asking her about the babyshower... asking what kind of theme she wanted, where she wanted it, if her mom ( or step mom, or grandma) wanted to help too... and she kept telling me she didnt want to worry about the baby shower yet and she would have it closer to the time for the baby to come...

Then last month she told me and my daughter ( and these are her exact words) " I have so many people who are excited about the baby, so I am just going to have to have 4 different showers, one with you guys, one with my family, one with my work friends and one with regular friends" ...

She always talks about how she has sooooo many friends ( even though the ones I know, say they cant stand her) ... I think I am just going to tell her that since she has sooo many people who want to give her a shower then i will wait until the baby comes and throw a little party for her then that way we can see what she really needs.... or that i will wait until all the other parties are thrown and then I will throw her one...

I was satisfied with that until I realized that in reality none of those people are really going to throw her a babyshower... her family barely talks to her because of how she acts, she goes through "friends" like she goes through underwear, and I know her boss and they have said that they hope she doesnt come back after the baby is born.... and i know that if the baby comes without having a crib ( or bassinet) and definatly without a carseat... or if my son takes money away from the rent or utilities to buy those , which I know he probably will if he has to... that will make me feel worse........what would you do ?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:24 PM on Jun. 23, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (9)
  • What a mess. I would tell her since you bought all the other stuff that you can no longer afford to throw the shower.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 1:26 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • You need to have a sit down talk with your son, and explain to him that do to your financial situation, you can't support them. And if you do support them, realize that they will then need to support you, since you will also be broke.
    There is a book called "boundaries" you may be interested in reading it.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 1:28 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • you can not run someone elses family... they are 19 and 26- they are a family. I wouldn't even attempt to take over thier responsibilites and thier worries... they know how they got to this point.

    yes, your g-ma and that is grand! but you aren't suppose to buy it ALL. you need not buy anything til she has a shower, then pitch in to get what she didn't receive. and note I said pitch in... after the shower, say well you got this, this and this... now lets see what you HAVE to have bed- I will buy, bassinet and carseat- you guys can scamble to buy. - they have had 9 months! :O)

    As far as the baby shower goes, I would respond w/ yes- I will handle it and give you all the details soon. OR if you prefer that your family does it, I will step back and let them, since I plan to buy after the shower- so I know what you still need.
    tell her- since you were suppose to be buying for babies- you have stockpiled diapers, right?lol
    2teens2LOs

    Answer by 2teens2LOs at 1:35 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Have you ever heard of 'golden uterous syndrome'? Google it. Just a warning.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 1:51 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • i HAVE heard of the golden uterous syndrome, unfortunatly, I think she just has a golden self syndrome because she was like this before she got pregnant...

    When she lived with me, she would leave dirty dishes and dirty clothes everywhere....and if I have " the nerve" to touch her things ( aka pick them up to clean ) I was invading her privacy and she would stomp her big feet and pout....
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:54 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Tell her you will do a shower after the other showers and after the baby is born. The only thing they really need is a carseat to bring the baby home from the hospital. If they don't get one at one of the other showers then you could get that as your baby gift to them. You are not obligated to buy everything the baby might need or the mother might want.
    CometGirl

    Answer by CometGirl at 2:18 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I think you need to set your son down, explain to him YOUR situation, and tell him straight up that they need to provide for the family. I hope your son has the balls to step up and talk to her. But if you keep buying things, she is going to keep expecting them. How is she going to grow up if there is someone there to make reality easier for her. Yes, this is your grandchild, however, if they are both working, they need to support their child.

    And your are trying to make things easier on your son, I get that, but really it sounds like your prolonging a relationship that will end badly anyway. The sooner your son is hit with the reality of his situation, the sooner he can look at alternatives for him and his child.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 10:10 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Actually I would sit down with the both of them so that there is no confusion she is older and knows how to spin his head. She has lived with you and you have seen this. Let them know you are there for them and love them with all your heart, but financially you have limits and that kills you.

    As for the shower, pick up that phone and call her mom and step mom and let them lend you a hand. There is absolutely no reason for you to shoulder all this your self. Don't be a martyr. People don't know you need help if you don't ask, besides she may have told them how much you wanted to have a shower for her.

    Show her how to be a good mom and a good friend ~ GL
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 8:01 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I wouldn't communicate with her anymore and I would deal with my son. This has to stop now or you're going to be dealing with it when the child is 30 and is still being supported by you.
    Dabberdoo

    Answer by Dabberdoo at 5:38 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

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