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How to deal with greif?

my 18 year old son past away August 29, 2007, this will be my second Christmas without him... Last year I made it through because I had to be strong for my 17 yr. old son, but now he is away in Ca. (After the death of his brother he joined the Marines). All that left is my 13 year old daughter, and she is never cry she doesn't even accept her brother being gone. My daughter expects her brother to just coming walking through the door. I had myself weakening, I feel lost and most of the time I just what to cry.... I really miss my son ... He was so special to me. His smile would just light up the room.... since he dead; I'm left with a void in my heart... when does it get better and how doI move on?

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coppertone3d

Asked by coppertone3d at 5:53 PM on Dec. 13, 2008 in Religion & Beliefs

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Answers (9)
  • I don't know if it does get better. That is to say, there will always be that piece of your heart that is missing from here on out and nothing will fill that void. But we do learn to keep going despite it. We learn to push forward and go day to day. Even though your daughter is not crying it is hurting her just as much. She probably feels the need to be strong for you though and that's why she won't let herself cry. As much as it hurts you need to move forward in life. Not only for yourself and your own well being, but for your younger two as well!
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 6:04 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Forgot to add, this won't be an overnight process at all. It will take time, lots of time and great patience. You need to deal with his loss on your own time while still being able to help your other children deal with their grief as well. You have a long and trying road ahead of you. Take your time!
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 6:06 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I've never lost a child, only my mother (and I'm sure losing a child would be a million times worse) but I have to say it doesn't really get better. It gets different. Little by little you learn to cope and to focus on the time you had together not the absence. Holidays are always hard, though. My mom passed away 8 years ago. Thanksgiving was her birthday, she would have been 60 this year. It hit me hard. I spent 10 minutes just bawling my eyes out because I suddenly realized she was gone. That was after 8 years. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and miss her but I've learned to deal with it.
    I'm so sorry for your loss, ((hugs)) and I hope you find the peace you are looking for.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 6:49 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • the way i dealt with grief before was to hold on to it ... and never let it go.. it took me to the lowest depths i've ever known. depression sunk in and i was a Mess. Now i deal with grief by sticking to what Islam teaches about death which is that each one of us comes into this world at an appointed time and each one of use will leave this world at an appointed time. We all come from God and we shall all return to him. My father passed away a few days ago.. and i turned to God for help in coping. I remember my reason for being in this world which is to worship God and i remember that my father and I .. existed and we will always exists even though one of us in now gone. I hope you learn to find ease in this otherwise you will sink deeper .. Think of the good things.. and let that be a comfort to you.. i wish you the best
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 6:49 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • oh i forgot to tell you... when you feel the sadness...go through it, feel it, and when you feel moments of relief enjoy them. This is not an easy journey for you.. Find a support group in your area that you may attend and be around like minded people or busy yourself with things you love. and i wanted to tell you, your son he is gone, but you have others that need you and you shouldn't steal time away from them, because you never know when either you will be gone, or they will be gone. try your best to make the best of what is left. you are in my thoughts
    Aasiyah

    Answer by Aasiyah at 6:53 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I would just like to add that there are some groups here on cafemom that may help as well The URL's are as follows (just copy and paste them into your browser)
    http://www.cafemom.com/group/239/
    http://www.cafemom.com/group/9202/
    http://www.cafemom.com/group/7330/
    http://www.cafemom.com/group/25645/
    http://www.cafemom.com/group/10387/

    These are just a few of the ones I found. Maybe they can help you come to terms with your own grief and provide an environment of support, love, and understanding.
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 7:05 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • It never gets better per se. It does get tolerable. I am worried about your daughter. See I never cried when I lost my husband or my dad. I am a cutter. Is there any way you can spend the extra time with her? Talk about the good times? In working on your own grief you can help her with hers. I hope all goes well. I am here if you need to talk.
    ColleenF30

    Answer by ColleenF30 at 7:14 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I have lost a child too and the holidays make things even harder. There will never be a time when we forget our children - nor would we want to as they blessed our life so very much - but after the holidays, I think it'll get a little easier. That hurt never goes away, but it does hurt different after a while.
    Try and surround yourself with as many loved ones as you can and keep busy. Occupy your mind as much as you are able to. But in the end, allow yourself to cry. You have every right to grieve.
    I'm so sorry for your loss.
    Jill42721

    Answer by Jill42721 at 9:37 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • You have to remember he is in a better place with the Lord Jesus. and he is looking down on you and one day you all will be together you just have to trust in the Lord
    hinson7169

    Answer by hinson7169 at 10:09 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

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