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3 Bumps

How do I tell my sister that her children will not be welcome in my home daycare once I get it going?

My hubby and I are buying a house with a huge inlaw apt. Instead of renting out the apt and getting a maximum of 700 a month, I am going to use the apt for a home daycare so the kids won't be in our half of the building at all. The apt has a bathroom, living room, dining room, kitchen, and one large bedroom, and the state/ town will let us have up to 5 kids there full time. We are going to start with 3 full timers. I want to offer the apt to my younger sister (20) free with no rent, provided she can help me with 2 additional kids 2 days a week. Then she is free to work her regular job 5 days a week (she works part time). This way, she will learn some independance and feel like she has her own place and I can get some help with something I've never done.
My older sister (30) is going to be pissed about my offering our little sister the apt. She is currently living rent free with our parents and not even paying for the utilities she is using, which is puting some severe financial strain on our parents. It is just her personality that if anyone gets offerred help, she expects it to be her, since she has just divorced and has 3 kids.
Her kids are also WAY out of control, and her middle child is severely autistic. I am not equipped to handle her kids, and I don't want to, and I shouldn't have to. I know my sister will try to get me to "watch" her kids free "since I'm watching other kids anyway". I don't feel she deserves any more handouts from anyone, and I'm not going to lose my sanity helping her out. She was given (yes, GIVEN) a FREE house all paid for and 2 brand new cars all paid for by his family when they got married. Since the divorce, she has lived free with our parents and has been getting ssi for her daughter, food stamps, and child support for the kids. That to me is enough. She isn't getting anything from me.

I know it sounds heartless, but my hubby and I are both from poor families and have had to work for every single thing we have. We have 2 kids and are hoping to use this house as a stepping stone to get the farm of our dreams. We are very smart and good savers. We have been married for 2 years now and have only ordered takeout 4 times in that time. We buy all our clothes second hand and most of our food at the discount store. That amount of saving has gotten us this house, and we want to pay it mostly off, sell, and have money for our dream home. My older sister does nothing but complain about everything, and my younger sister deserves to have a try at living on her own. WE want to give the chance to my younger sister, and that is our choice.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:31 PM on Jun. 23, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • All you have to say is NO. Anything else, she's going to complain.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:53 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Just explain to her that you are not well-equiped to watch her children and she needs to hire a professional to take care of them. Someone who is trained in that field. However, might I make a suggestion?

    Since you are going into the business of watching other people's children you should train yourself to handle situations like there possibly being a special needs child in your care. Because what if one of the parents has a special needs child? Are you going to refuse them care? Wouldn't that fall under discrimination? It's not discrimination with your sister's kids because you know first-hand that you cannot handle them, but for someone else's child are you going to refuse them care? Just think about that and think about getting some training for situations like that because it will come up. In that kind of business it's difficult to avoid.

    Best of luck!
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 4:36 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Oh and if your sister gives you hell about saying no to her, tell her to bugger off.
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 4:37 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Once your sister asks tell her you are only allowed a certain amount of children.
    Make it well known you are already at max amount of children.
    You can always make it sound like you wil call her when you have an opening
    momand4kids

    Answer by momand4kids at 4:40 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • i think that last part says it all you want to give your other sister a chance and its YOUR house so it is what is it :D good luck mommy!
    kylansmommy09

    Answer by kylansmommy09 at 4:40 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I don't think you owe her an explanation. You have to make it clear to her that the state only allows a certain amount of kids and you need those kids to pay the bills so she doesn't do a surprise drop off.
    hotelmom123

    Answer by hotelmom123 at 4:58 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Not heartless, you are being smart and the best thing you do for your sister is to NOT enable her. I would just being honest with her. It's your house and your life. She made her bed, she can lie in it
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 5:17 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Sounds like you have it all figured out already...all you have to do is tell her when she asks and be ready for a blow or two and she'll get over it. It won't change if she doesn't. She's a grown woman and an adult...she has to learn to make it on her own, IMO...handouts don't help anyone do that...they just ask for MORE and the asking and EXPECTING gets easier.
    Good for you and your DH....sounds like a wonderful plan!!!
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 6:12 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I see nothing wrong with your choice. Sounds like a good arrangement. Best of Luck

    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 6:35 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • You can only have so many kids and those spots are for paying customers. No other info needed.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 6:38 PM on Jun. 23, 2011