Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

OK, I gotta ask....

I see all of these "What would you do if your husband did this..." and "I've been married for two years and I don't know if I still love him" stuff and I have to ask....

How long did you know your SO before tying the knot? Did he really hide his ugly side that well or were you not paying attention?

I ask because I waited till my 30's to get married and I can't imagine changing a single thing about my mate (except getting him to put away his clothes)"

Answer Question
 
hollydaze1974

Asked by hollydaze1974 at 5:01 PM on Jun. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,912 Credits)
Answers (33)
  • I was 20 when I married the first time and I had no idea what to look for in a man, and we only dated for a year. Second time around I was in my 30s and dated him for 2 years - I knew what I wanted and I found out who he was before we married. I love him and there's not a man out there who would be better for/to me.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 5:04 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Holly, I think that's a good question. I knew my husband for four years before we got married. And I was just two days shy of my 30th birthday then.

    Just as important as knowing your husband is knowing YOURSELF. And knowing how to care for yourself without anyone else.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 5:05 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • clappingThank you! I can see someone accidentally getting pregnant and finding out a man is a douche bag but my god please know who you are marrying!! People jump into things too soon and then ask the IMPORTANT questions later!!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I also waited until my late 20s (29) until I got married and feel the same way. But I'd also like him to quit his back seat driving... so pick up clothes & stop back seat driving and he would be perfection! ;)
    whomi

    Answer by whomi at 5:06 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Well i believe that it doesnt matter if you have known that person for years there will always be a side of them you wont know. I was with my ex for about 5 years and everything was great i loved everything about him and of course we had our disagreements but i loved how he was. I thought i knew him but it was until he left that i saw a man i had never known before. he completely changed. So inreality u never really get to know someone because people and life are really full of surprises. People change its part of life.
    claryvelS

    Answer by claryvelS at 5:06 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • WE knew eachother for a year and 7 months before marriage. He was 28 and I was 24, we have been married almost 5 years, I think that he and I had our eyes wide open when getting married about are flaws, everyone has got them!
    Sillylins

    Answer by Sillylins at 5:07 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • it is possible for men to change, just as women can change. i know i do not wear make up daily like i used to when my husband and i first got married. he does not work out anymore. little changes like that. and also, i cannot help the fact that he has PTSD from his tour overseas, and that stupid war took my wonderful hubby away (who i had known since i was 16) and left me with this damaged person. he does do a lot of stuff that bothers me.. but it is part of his disease which he is trying to cope with. not something i could've avoided. but i agree some people don't get to know a person well enough before jumping into such a big commitment.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 5:09 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Good question. I keep wondering the same thing too.
    In my opinion....these are a case of .....'" we drank and had good times all while dating and had so much fun that we got married and now that we're married and have real responsibilities and children the fun is over, we don't drink and party and we are finding that we don't really like each other at all' syndrome.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:12 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • We were together 3 years before dating. I am glad you asked this. I have wondered this myself. Some of the questions and answers phew.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 5:13 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • My husband and I knew each other for 5 months before getting married. We had our only child after 6 years of marriage. We have now been married for 26 years.

    His "ugly side" was no more hidden than mine. His ugly side did not rear it's head through the years any more than mine has. Has he changed through the years.Absolutely! However, so have I.The ugly sides, the changes, all of those things are not solely own or happen on just one side of the marriage coin. It happens on both.My experience has been: It's not the changes/ugly sides/problems (etc) that can destroy a marriage, it's how those things are handled that can

    I agree with Gdiamante, knowing oneself is just as (if not more) important as knowing your spouse/partner. A major part of having a healthy/happy/satisfying/fulfilling marriage, is each individual knowing themselves/being happy with themselves/being satisfied with themselves/being fulfilled within themselves
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 5:22 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN