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I NEED INPUT, I BROKE IT OFF TODAY

MY HUBBY AND I HAVE BEEN HAVEING TRUST ISSUES. HE HAS A FEMALE "FRIEND" THAT HE TALKS TO EVERYDAY. SEVERAL TIMES ADAY IN FACT. I FOUND OUT IN THE PAST THAT THEY WHERE TALKING AND HE SAID IT WOULDNT HAPPEN AGAIN. I FELT SOMETHING WASN'T RIGHT SO I CHECKED HIS PHONE RECORDS AND SURE ENOUGH HE HAS STARTED TALKING TO HER AGAIN. HE SAYS SHE IS SOMEONE HE CAN TALK TO AND SHE WONT JUDGE HIM OR ADD INPUT. HE KNEW IT WOULD BE A PROBLEM FOR THEM TO TALK AGAIN, EVEN THE POSSIBILITY FOR US TO BREAK UP AND HE STILL SPOKE TO HER EVERY DAY. I LOVE HIM BUT, THAT SHIT IS JUST NOT RIGHT. I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO HIM, NOR WOULD I EVER. HE HURT ME SO BAD. BUT WHAT I NEED HELP WITH IS.... WHAT NOW? WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE. I TOLD HIM I WONT A DIVORCE. BUT AM I ACTING TO FAST? ALSO, IS THERE ANOTHER STEP I CAN TAKE. PERHAPES TO MAKE HIM PAY FOR THIS THE HARD WAY? IN A MEAN WIFEY WAY. I JUST NEED FEEDBACK ON THIS. PLEASE HELP!!!

 
MIXED

Asked by MIXED at 6:41 PM on Dec. 13, 2008 in Relationships

Level 5 (89 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I would take the same steps as if he had cheated. The steps I would take is to separate, if he seems genuinely remorseful and repentant of his behavior, try out counselling. But if he continues and acts like your the crazy one or is not remorseful, then it's time to move on with your life and go through with a divorce.
    If he is remorseful and you can tell that he is changing, I wouldn't let him move back in for 3-6 months and I would start dating him again. If you honestly still don't trust him, time to move on.
    He needs to realize it is unacceptable to go outside your marriage with the opposite sex. If he has problems, he needs to address them with you, not with someone that you have already established as being someone you we're comfortable with him talking to.
    nwdeserangel

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 6:50 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I don't think your acting too fast. This is strike 2 so I think your doing the right thing. Have you moved out? I think the best thing you can do is definintly distance yourself from him as much as possible. Don't worry about pay back..It's coming regardless if you do anything or not. Don't contact him or talk to him unless absolutely nessecery over the kids or something. I think he will feel like dog poo once he figures some stuff out. Don't go back to him either. I think he's did enough too many times.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:45 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Ultimately divorse would be the way to go, but have you guys tried marriage counceling and opening up to eachother, I would try that first and then if he still acts the same way then that's strike 3 and hubby would be out the door!
    Married2theBest

    Answer by Married2theBest at 6:48 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Honestly i think you need to figure out why he's talking to this lady. If its more then just talking. I mean if he is talking to another woman because he feels that she doesnt judge him, then something is missing in your relationship. You should be the one that he goes to, I am not saying in ANY way that you are at fault, or what he did isn't completely wrong. It is, emotionally cheating can do more damage then physical cheating sometimes. What i am saying is if there is something missing in your relationship- the communicational aspect that is fixable. With help. I think you need to try councling, but only on the stipulation that your husband Stops speaking to her. Tell him you want to work on your relationship, to fix it, and you cannot do that if he is still 'emotionally cheating'.
    Mommy2girls0207

    Answer by Mommy2girls0207 at 6:53 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Why is him having a friend a bad thing? Honestly, my best friend is a man, my husband's best friend is a woman...we have no issues. It sounds like you are just being controlling and petty.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • I don't quite understand why his talking to another woman is a bad thing? Yes, you are acting too quickly and I feel you're overreacting.

    My best friends have by and large been men. My husband knows this and knows it means nothing as far as our marriage goes. Men end up being my friends because we tend to have more similar interests (that sometimes aren't shared by my husband). My husband has some very good friends that are women. I don't have a problem with that either.

    So...what's bothering you besides the fact that they talk? Are you suspecting that there's something other than conversation going on? Do you even know what they talk about? Perhaps sitting down with a counselor as intermediary will help.

    When he married you, "forsaking all others" meant not dating or sleeping with them. Not communicating with them isn't in the description.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:43 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

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