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HELP.. Since my stepdaughter went to live with her mom..

HI Moms, i really need some advice. My husband and i have been married for five years. Upon marriage i inherited his beautiful daughter whom i love dearly. She lived with him full time, as for the ex-wife was unstable and had a drinking problem. Life was good for us. Everything was fine till the mom quit drinking(proud for her) and daughter started to visit her more often. That was a year ago. We only live a few miles apart, but within the last year the daughter has only stayed with us 9 times. My heart is broken, because she became a part of my life. Her mom gets mad a her when she wants to spend the night with us and tells her she will be grounded or she starts crying pitching a fit, she will have her phone took away, anything to keep her from us. Also the ex-wifes parents are filthy rich and they spoil my stepdaughter rotten they are always making promises to her. We cant spoil her that way. Her and her mother fuss alot and my husband says give it some time, she will be back. I have quit saying anything to my husbad as for i dont want him to be upset with me. He just takes all with a grain of salt. He thinks if he is quiet the daughter will get tired of the mom and come back home. But i know the ex talks about me cause the daughter treats me differently, and her friends tell me she hates me and wishes i would die. What am I to do ? I love her so much, but am so hurt..She just turned 13 and didnt answer none of my birthday calls.

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Asked by ilove2garden at 10:09 PM on Jun. 23, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 3 (19 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • There really isn't much you can do. But if your husband still has sole custody, he needs to get his daughter back and let mom take him to court. It sounds like her biomom is still unstable. How can a parent use their child as a pawn? Hopefully your daughter will come to her senses soon.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:12 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • You are very justified in feeling hurt, however, this is one of those wonderful moments in life when we must put aside our own feelings and just think about the others - and in doing so, we will have more peace too. Good that you expressed your thoughts to your husband, and now are done - because it is his biological daughter, not yours, and continuing to give him a piece of your mind will only come between you. Preserve your relationship with your husband because he will theoretically be around with you til death do you part! Second, time to step back from the girl and only only only model love and compassion. Say nothing about the mother. I know it is tough to just say nothing, but if you give her zero ammo, she can't shoot it back at you. If you must say or do anything, make sure 100% that it ONLY addresses your love for daughter and that your arms and home are always open to her. Period.

    Answer by Jmomma532 at 10:15 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Wow...I have 2 stepdaughters and I would be so hurt as well..

    I can tell you this though....if my stepdaughter did not return my call...she would be hearing it from her father...

    Just continue on loving her.....she will come around one day...

    Children can be bought at times...but in the end they really just want to be loved....

    Answer by Dannee at 11:47 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • I"m so sorry, a lot of it is probably the mothers influence, mixed in with teenage rebellion.. I know it hurts now, but your hubby is right in one respect, in time she'll (SD) will come around..
    in the mean time, I think you and hubs need to establish a better visitation schedule with SD.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:14 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

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