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What would you consider an emotional affair?

So things have been not so great between me and my husband, he is trying SUPER hard to fix things, and just been so awesome, but I have some old hurts and a few new ones that Im having a hard time getting over. One of my problems is, and its not a major one, but definately affecting us, is that he plays on his PS3 ALLLL the time. He doesnt spend alot of time with me, or help with the kids or house as much as I'd like. I even ask him to get off and spend time with me. Well, I've recently started talking to an ex boyfriend, from when I was like 13 on facebook. I dont have "feelings" for him, but I DO like the ATTENTION he gives me. He doesnt know about the problems in my marriage, and knows Im married. He asks me for advice on girls. But he also will leave me messages in the morning telling me he hopes I have a good day, and that he is glad we're back in touch, that I'm a great friend to him. He compliments me occasionally, and there's been a few inuendos, but I blow them off. I sometimes feel guilty for talking to him though, even though we dont say anything inappropriate, mostly catching up, talking about the past, what we did that day, I tell him about my husband and kids....stuff like that. Would you consider this an emotional affair? If not, what do you consider one?

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Jun. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • Nope. Sounds like a good friend. I see you have boundaries in place. You're not discussing marriage problems with him and are staying up to date on life events. As long as you don't cross those self imposed boundaries, you're in the good.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 11:52 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • If it's not it's well on it's way...if you can't talk to dh about it and it gives you butterflies...?

    Answer by BluDog at 11:53 PM on Jun. 23, 2011

  • Well, I dont exactly get butterflies or anything. But like right now, my husband has been on the playstation for 6 hours straight,I've been asking him for the past hour to get off so we can watch a movie or spend some time together......and just hours earlier we are on the edge of divorce, I told him I dont really have feelings for him, he cries and begs me to please dont throw us away, blah blah blah and I told him ok, i had to run an errand and when I got home I'd like for us to watch a movie. He agreed thought it was a great idea. Well, now he wont get off, Im tired of asking, and right when I just asked the last time, i get a message from this friend....and I thought "Fu*k it, I'll just go talk to him, atleast someone is interested in talking to me" and when I had that thought, it got me wondering about this question....

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:02 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I think you need too tell your DH that you dont feel speciel to him anymore..and that if his video game than spend time with you

    Answer by TonysWife2011 at 12:03 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I see more of what you mean. If you don't feel lovey dovey I get that you are just trying to connect with another human. Are there any ladies you can talk to? If the roles were reversed I'm guessing you probably wouldn't want your dh catching up with a female friend from forever ago. Your dh may need a reality he depressed?

    Answer by BluDog at 12:08 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • No, he is not depressed. he says the ps3 is his way of "unwinding"...well he took today off so why does he need to unwind for 6 hours?? I think since I didnt kick him out today, then he thinks everything is fine, when I only let him stay so we could "work" on our marriage. And no, I dont really have any girls I can talk to instead, I get along much better with guys for the most part, I always have.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:38 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Its not that u dont love ur dh. Its that he is there emationally nor physically when you need him. Mine does the same thing. I feel as though as long as dh knows that you are talking to a friend, then its nothing but a friendship flowering. But one day dh will open his eyes an see that your not there. Then he will see what a total a** he was a realize what he lost. il then find some great friend an go have luch or just sit at a gfs house, have a glass of wine an talk about your problems. Because if not, then you will get a divorce an a bitter one at that. better to talk to someone you trust than to keep it bottled up so that it boils over into the marriage. you may do something you regret. But theres no point in hiding that you have a friend. If theres nothing going on then no worries.

    Answer by kdbrantley82 at 12:40 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Well, he isnt very keen on me talking to guys, which I sort of understand,but like I said, I dont click very well with any of the girls I know in *real life* I've always been more of a guy's girl. He doesnt know exactly how much I talk to this friend, but he had an issue with another guy I used to talk to, who is married with kids, and in iraq....but I think he had such an issue with that guy because we were SUPER close, and while I didnt have feelings for him, he obviously did for me, even though he never acted on them. So I've been sorta hiding talking to this other guy, not because I have anything to hide, but because I NEED someone to talk to, and Im scared he will forbid him as well. He is actually supposed to come over this weekend and meet my husband and kids, and my husband is fine with that, as long s he is here.I totally agree, I would never let another guy come over here without him unless he were related to me.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:45 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • He just sounds like a friend. I still talk to an ex of mine. Hes moving to texas, he was a good guy, it just wasn't really fitting right. He and I mostly talk about food cuz we both like to cook lol.

    My husband plays world of warcraft, not a LOT, but he does over play it sometimes, and it bugs...I just talk to him about and tell him I want some hubby time.

    Answer by monstersmommy20 at 12:48 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • That's sure where it's heading sweets!! Don't play with fire and ruin your marriage. You can fix things with your husband

    Answer by Helen2004 at 12:51 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

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