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2 Bumps

Omg im so disapointed in her! *vent*

i haven't vented here in a long time,but i just felt the need to
ok so i have a niece shes 17,heres a background on my niece
all tho shes a real drama queen shes been threw a lot,
the boy she is currently dating will be 20 in a few months
well her Bf has some issues of his own:his mother was a drug addict,his brother got killed right in front of his face,he does drugs,& he lives in a transitional home
...so anyways a few months back my niece got pregnant by him,well my niece has no job,and shes barely making it in school so her mother MADE her get an abortion because there struggling BIG time right now...well every since then she has a had a grudge against her mother she trys her absolute hardest to disappoint her mother &she told me that she:Hated her mom,
now she came to my house the other day & she was very happy & she pulled out her ultrasound out of her bag with all her parenting books and stuff,
im soo disappointed in her,her mom does NOT know & i most definitely wont be the one to tell her about it (been there done that) she doesn't plan on telling her mother at all but i don't see how that's gonna work because they live in the same house & with a the weird cravings,swollen feet,&morning sicknesses her mom will find out real soon, but im really disappointed in her because she did this for all the wrong reasons and i do NOT believe in abortions because ever i believe babies are gifts no matter how they get here & they deserve to be cared for properly because they didn't ask to be brought in this world,& if she does have the baby with out her mother making her get an abortion i hope she will give it up for adoption since she cant care for it properly but that's just me,i really don't know what to say to her om just so disappointed in her

*vent over*


say NO to abortions because everybody dies,but NOT everybody lives[:

Answer Question
 
LABELmeCUTE

Asked by LABELmeCUTE at 4:31 AM on Jun. 24, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 15 (1,951 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I'm sorry you feel this way. Can you be happy for her? Forcing an abortion on someone who doesn't want it is terrible and I'm sure she's very hurt over that. I'd hate my mom too if she tried that. I know this is just a vent, but I'd like to mention that adoption is not easy at all. It's a difficult and heart-wrenching process. You don't stop feeling like a mom when you give up your child and they're not always better off. I'm saying this as a 17 year old mom who considered adoption. Actually, I was dead set on it being the only "good" life for my son. I couldn't bear the thought of him calling someone else "mum". Even open adoption became a terrible idea. I was miserable and depressed.

    She's excited. Be excited for her. She could be a good mum. I'm a bit worried about the dad's drug habit. You didn't specify. Pot doesn't equal heroin. Neither are good, but people can be good parents and still smoke pot.
    kit_manson

    Answer by kit_manson at 5:32 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • It sounds like you're upset with her because her decision to continue the pregnancy & have a child is all mixed up with her determination to defy & disappoint her mother? And the fact that she is keeping it a secret? (You wish she would be open, or else not include you in the secret? I suppose THAT information eventually could become a weapon used against her mother, too, the fact that YOU knew all along, blah blah. Although I do think you are right in not being the one to tell her mother about this.)
    When people keep secrets, whether or not they "have" to, it's ALWAYS about fear or thinking this is what they have to do in order to have what they need/want. So I don't think that's any different, here. It's her way of avoiding grief with her mother & avoiding additional leverage/control, thereby making sure that she "gets" to have the baby. She might be able to hide it successfully for long enough to avoid the abortion option.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 6:02 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Just remember she is your neice, not your daughter. Not really your problem. Just tell her you do not like being told this stuff.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:11 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Wow what a mess. I would suggest to your niece that she start making some future plans now. She needs to decide to take college classes, or learn a trade to support herself and her baby. I wouldn't get too much in the middle of this, your niece needs to grow up fast and start acting like the adult she is about to become.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:59 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Help her realize the magnitude of caring for a baby as much as you can. Put together an expense sheet of monthly baby needs and another that outlines the cost of living on her own. Make a list of everything she'll need before the baby comes. Give her the name and number of a pregnancy counselor who can talk with her about her options. And since her mother doesn't know and you're not going to tell her, make sure she stays on top of the prenatal care. You should also let her know what a baby's schedule looks like everyday (up every 3 hours, etc). So sorry for her, seems that she has no idea what she's doing though I understand why she might have done it. But most of all sorry for this baby who's going to be born to unprepared, immature, parents. You can only hope they grow up very, very, quickly.
    Kimedbs

    Answer by Kimedbs at 7:39 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • What she did is totally normal, she lost a baby (yes it was a forced loss) and she is trying to fill that empty hole in her life. My niece got pregnant her senior year, lost the baby. Right after high school ran off and married her boyfriend and she then had their first child less than a year later. We all have that empty feeling left over after a miscarriage (or in her case a forced abortion).

    Sit down with her and make sure she understands that it won't all be easy and that she very well may end up doing most of this on her own! She clearly needs some positive support in her life, if her mother won't give it, she needs someone else to.. someone who has been through a pregnancy and can guide her. I'm not saying be her mom or be her friend, be her "teacher" and guide her so she can be the best parent to this new life!

    My niece is now 21 and a single parent because her husband couldn't mature enough to be a dad and hubby!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:45 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Your neice sounds like she needs some counseling, even before the forced abortion. Honestly, it sounds like the whole family could use quite a bit of help. I understand your neice was making poor choices, but your aunt really should not have forced an abortion. I don't think I could have forgiven my mom is she did that to me.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 7:46 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • maybe she can go to a home for pregnant teens like a crisis center...i know they have a few...or an abortion alternitives clinic can lead her away from someone pushing her to do that.
    msmamakatie

    Answer by msmamakatie at 8:31 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

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