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3 Bumps

How can I help her cope?

My niece used to tell me that she married someone almost exactly like her hero (being her uncle). Well recently it has come to light that she did infact marry someone exactly like her uncle... who is my now ex husband.

"Cindy" (we will call her) eloped right after high school and married the man of her high school dreams, she welcomed their first child 9 months ago. Cindy recently received a huge blow.. her Husband "Dan" (we will call him) came home from work and said that he doesn't love her anymore after 2 years of marriage he has decided that he wants to be back with his ex girlfriend that he was with before he met Cindy.

Dan was very supportive of Cindy throughout her pregnancy but never quite grew up and matured enough to actually be a father at the age of 21.

How can I help support her after I went through the almost exact same thing and still have not forgiven my ex husband for what he did to us now that she is going through the same thing? She loves her uncle and doesn't know that the reason we divorced is the exact reason as she is right now.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:16 AM on Jun. 24, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • Unfortunately, you can't help her cope until you are open and honest with her about your marriage and your ex. You also will not be able to help her unless you help yourself first. You haven't forgiven your ex yet. I know it's extremely hard, but if you harbor the hatred or ill feelings toward your ex, it will "eat you up" inside. If you haven't already, I suggest you see a professional. In fact, this may be one step toward helping your niece. Once you start receiving counseling, you can suggest the same to her or invite her to one of your sessions when you are ready. That way you'd be able to share the experience of learning to cope, learning to forgive, and learning to move on. I feel for both of you; bonding in this way could be very beneficial to both of you. Hugs and good luck!
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:29 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • the best thing to do is to help her move on. Try to get her out an about and meeting new people. Infact I think it would be great for the two of you to work together in moving forward because it sounds like both of you are still hurting over this.. go out, find someone new, try again. Go places where you both have interests in.. so you'll meet men with similar interests.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 9:37 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I think breaking the silence and being honest with her is the best way to be supportive. Tell her she is not alone. Tell her how you felt , feel, and are dealing with it. She needs you.
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 11:44 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • My biggest problem is I don't want her to look at her uncle differently once she knows the truth. She loves him so much and I don't feel like it is my place to open that door and let her know that she really did marry someone exactly like him. That and I don't want to seem like I am drawing battle lines in the family once more.. divorced or not my children are still part of their family which means I am too
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:47 AM on Jun. 24, 2011