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I need advice about my 27 yr old son,plz

I have 2 grown sons and the oldest one has been living with me.Just this week he has had scabies and wont help me get rid of them.(yes,i put him out yesterday).I am on oxygen and dont need this.My health is poor and he shows me NO Respect.I take him back & forth to work cause he wrecked his drinking and driving.He has gotten in trouble with the law not only for dwi but larcency charges too.My mom passed away a lil over 1 year ago and I helped care for her and have been missing her Bad.It's like my world should be revolved around him.I say NO.I am 48 yrs old,PLZ tell me what to do.Thank You

Answer Question

Asked by sfm1 at 8:57 AM on Jun. 24, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • 27 years old. Time for that bird to fly or fall. You don't need his crap. So it looks like you already did what you have to.

    Answer by daps at 8:59 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I think you know what you need to do. (hugs)

    Answer by Y.B.normal at 9:07 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • He should be helping you. He's an adult and needs to act like one. Don't let him come back until he cleans up his act. You dont need added stress on top of health issues.

    Answer by sugamama3 at 9:09 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • It's hard turning my back on him BUT if he doesnt respect me then I have no choice but to make him leave.He choose being with his friends last night instead of helping me.My youngest son says I am wrong for doing this.They know I am tender hearted and try to do for them when I can.I own my place but am getting in debt with him around.His Dad doesnt have much to do with either one of them(he is remarried and her and her son comes first,also her grandkids).Thank You and all answers are helpful

    Comment by sfm1 (original poster) at 9:10 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • If he chooses his friends over you then he should live with them. I'm sorry you're going through this, it is hard. You've done what you can. Sometimes the best thing to do for someone is to cut them off and not enable them. Do you have a friend or someone else in your family that can help you be strong? Also if it gets too bad, and I know you don't want to this but if he shows up again and insists that he has a right to stay you can call the police. That also will help him if he chooses. Straighten up or end up in jail for trespassing.

    Answer by daps at 9:18 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Tell him to go live with his friends...he's a grown man who needs to learn to care for himself and you won't be helping him any by caring for him. what will he do when your gone? He needs to learn to be an adult and stop relying on you. My ex is 50 and because his mom always made sure he was taken care of he still expects it,but now from his sisters...he lives with his older sister who has a handicapped husband he doesnt work and she has to make sure he's taken care of...Do you want that to be your son? Always relying on others to care for him? IUt's time for some though love!

    Answer by happymama02 at 9:23 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I am 49 and just lost my mom three weeks ago - I miss her alot too and know what a "lost" feeling you have - it's like no other kind of loss.. As far as your son goes - why are you hauling his dead butt to his job? Unless he pays you well for the trip or is responsible for paying a LOT of your bills - cut those apron strings! He can walk or ride a bike! You don't need that unless you are being amply rewarded in some ways! He paying for food? Utilities? REGULARLY??

    Answer by Bonoh1 at 9:51 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • time to get him out of the house..

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:00 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I've been there. And YES it is the hardest thing that we have to do as a parent. But you really aren't doing him any favors by waiting on him hand and foot. Our job as parents is to raise our children to be respectible, productive citizens. Some rebel against that. But if you have to keep doing things for him then you are only enabling him and he will never do what he has to do on his own because you will save him. I'm not saying not to be there for your children, even as adults. We need to be there when life is down or there is an emergency, but he also needs to learn respect and realize that the help goes both ways. Although he didn't get the scabies from doing anything bad, you can get them from someone you walked by in a store, he should still learn to rectify the situation on his own, he is an adult. Try not to feel bad, you are only teaching him right now.

    Answer by attap5 at 10:11 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Mom, it does not matter how old he is, he is your son and parenting never stops, if you throw him out you might be throwing him to the wolves and it might turn out worse than you have it now. Talk to him explain how you feel and ask him for some help in his part.

    Answer by older at 7:22 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

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