Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

My s/o and i have been having problems lately, to the point i asked him to move out a couple days ago. he didnt really "move out " though b/c all of his things are still there. but he has not been at the home in two days. we have a two year old together, which makes this very difficult b/c he is always looking and asking where daddy is.

i havent been calling him or trying make him see his own mistakes b/c he is an adult and he knows his faults. he constanlty calls though especially at night b/c he thinks i have decided to see someone else but i have. i really, really miss him and i havent been able to sleep at night since hes been gone. i want to keep my family together but i really need for him to want to change in order for me to take him back. any suggestions on what u would do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:03 AM on Jun. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I would suggest this time apart from him if you require change. He won't change unless he knows he cannot be in the family unless he does. Tough love is the only way to do it for some people. As for your daughter, I would tell her something comforting like he went to a magical land and is getting you a special gift! Get him to play along! Good luck, sweeite!
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 9:10 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Some time away would probably work wonders. But with your kiddo asking where Daddy is this be a bit of a challenge. He won't understand what's going on, so I would just tell him that Daddy has to be away for a little bit. Now - the whole "change" issue. You can't change him. It's going to be up to you to decide what you CAN and CANNOT tolerate in your relationship. However, you owe it to yourself to tell him what you're feeling and why. Don't assume he knows his faults - that's putting the ball in his court and allowing him to assume all kinds of stuff that could blow up in your face. Tell him exactly what the deal is and where you stand. Good luck!
    BryRon

    Answer by BryRon at 9:14 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Keep doing what your doing don't say anything to him until HE brings it up & when he does then you let it all out & tell him exactly how you feel, tell him how you would like to work things out & keep your family together but he needs to put his half as well & realize his mistakes & his wrong doing. If he really cares he will agree to it & if he doesn't agree to it then let him go you don't need someone who can't recognize when he is the one doing wrong. GL! ((HUGS))
    VanillaBlondie8

    Answer by VanillaBlondie8 at 9:14 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • seriously, lie to her kid? At two years old you just need to tell her daddy will be there soon to see her...dont make the mistake of lying to her
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 9:15 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Interesting comment shivasgirl! When your two year old asks you how mommy makes babies, do you tell them the details after they ask how the baby gets in mommy's belly? If the child was older maybe, but how do you explain that to a two year old? I wouldn't worry the child if they haven't even figured out what is going on yet. Look it up! Many child psychologist suggest you chose comforting words for a child this young moreso because they cannot really understand the truth!!!
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 9:52 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • counceling is my only suggestion.. he first has to acknowledge is issue, before he can change them..
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:04 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • He may be an adult, but it's really hard for us to see our own faults sometimes. Think about things people have said to you that you didn't realize you were doing or saying. He does need to know what you need or want him to do or what he is doing wrong. Communications it the MOST important thing in a relationship. To spite people telling you it is sex, it isn't. Remember, you will have to talk to your husband long after you are old and no longer interested in the bedroom. I think if you both are still vested in this relationship, I think you can both work it out. You will both need to learn to listen and to compromise. Which is easier said than done. But can be done.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 10:07 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Sounds like the time apart is needed.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 11:19 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Well, my first thought about this is that he's not psychic, he won't know what you want until you tell him. Communication is the key in every relationship. You guys should sit down and talk seriously about your future, and lay out what you expect and what you want from him. Ask him to do the same. If he feels your demands are reasonable and attainable, and you feel the same about his needs/wants, then there should be no reason for you to remain apart. Relationships are a LOT of work, and it takes some serious hard work to come back from a split. Good luck, Momma!
    lovingmy4babies

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 12:40 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • comforting words are like, "Daddy will be here to see you soon" "Daddy went to stay with his mommy for a bit" or "Daddy is spending sometime at Uncle Joe's" not "Daddy is spending time in a magical land and will bring you gifts" using comforting TRUTH without having to go into minute detail is far less damaging then telling them Daddy is frolicking at a magical place filled with toys meant just for them......and, yes, when my twins asked me at 3 how a baby got int the belly, I told them...they had already watched enough Baby Story to know how they got out
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 3:05 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.