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my daughter hates me?

last year, we moved from a childhood home to a house 2 hours away. my daughter was very attached to the house for many reasons. we have lived there since she was born.
when we moved it crushed her. she started doing horribly in school and went from an A+ student to a B-. BY the end of the year she was depresssed. when we finally moved, she was very angry and cross and she would ignore me and be mean to her brothers. now she is going to a new school and she hates it. she is have panic attacks she just wont admit it and everyday when she leaves for the bus there are tears streaming down her face. i have taken her to a counselor but it hasent seemed to help. any ideas?
p.s we moved for her step brothers who needed to be closer to their moms house in boston. a few months after we moved, they moved to minnesota

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Asked by smilyface203 at 9:19 PM on Dec. 13, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (15)
  • I don't think she hates you, I think she is having problems adjusting. I would definately sit her down and have a nice long quiet talk with her. At this age, move can be very traumatic and you have to put yourself in her position. It's not easy for teenage girl to make new friends. I would keep a close eye on her and make sure she is doing okay. How did counseling not work? I think she needs to see one.

    Answer by pupmom at 9:31 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • well i kinda had that problem i was about 16 or 17 i am 21 now so it hasnt been that long ago. my dad went to iraq we didnt move but i changed schools because the one i went to shut down. my mom made me an appt to the dr. because my dad would let me go see one of those head drs. well the dr. i went to put me on zoloft that was the worse thing i have ever taken in my life it made me want to kill myself i dont mean to scare you but those are the side affects and they protain to 19 and under. well i was having panic attacks to the meds didnt help. what helped me was i thought of people who had it worse than me now that does help everyone my mother has a different story she wants to do everything with meds. i dont believe in that. you dont out grow it either i still have problems sometime. when i get by myself. what she is going through is really scary

    Answer by Wyattsmom205 at 9:36 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • i couldnt put all i wanted to say in my answer it said i had to limit it to 1000 words i been through the same thing if u need anything else please feel free to ask.

    Answer by Wyattsmom205 at 9:38 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • So, you moved to be closer to your SSs mother and she moved further away? I'd be pissed if I was her. And probably a whole lot resentful towards them, you and whoever else I could be mad at. She's probably around 11 or 12, right? Remember being that age? Its not easy. Put yourself in her shoes. You should move back, if that's an option but I'm guessing its probably not.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 PM on Dec. 13, 2008

  • Hate? Probably not. Resentful of the situation? Most likely it sounds that way. She may be wondering why you took care of her stepbrothers' needs but not hers. She does have some options and so do you. If counseling is not working you may not have found a good fit. Sometimes it takes two or three tries before you find one that meshes well. We don't like everyone we meet on the street - our therapist is no different. So don't be afraid to sample a few before giving up completely. Anxiety and depression are most likely dead on the money. But that would be my guess. Again, you have options.

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:17 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • cont..Some parents do choose, along with a trusted doctor, to treat the anxiety and depression temporarily with medication. It is not all that is done but it gives a stable start. Sometimes therapy can't work well until the fog of depression/anxiety has lifted somewhat and then when things are a little more calmer therapy can work a lot better to get to the route of the issue or issues. If it is possible for your child to have a choice in her school options that might be helpful. Such as private school (I don't know your financial circumstances) or school choice in your district. Talk to your school district about her circumstances and have the documentation to prove giving her school placement options would help her emotional and educational needs at this time.

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:20 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • cont..Try doing things (if you are not already) that are fun and have nothing to do with school, the family - just about her and fun. A special weekend trip, a hike in the local area, sampling ice creme flavors every ice creme shop in your area. Be creative. Set up dates for her. Also if she isn't already some extra club or sport outside of school that has nothing to do with her school. Like dance or karate. Exercise will help decrease depression and anxiety, help boost self esteem, and an activity can help with social skills with other kids outside of her school she attends currently. Those are just some of my first intial thoughts. I hope something helps.

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:24 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • And by dates - I mean of you and her. Not with a boy.

    Answer by frogdawg at 1:26 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • moving is always difficult on kids. Be patient. It will take time but she will adjust....or move back "home".

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:55 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Intervention strategies for children include encouraging them to express their fears and anxieties regarding the disaster through stories, drawings, and the use of coloring books. At the most simple level, allowing children to tell their own stories of a disaster and draw their own pictures of what happened to them and how they felt about it can be of considerable assistance in both diagnosis and therapy..... Or just move back!

    Answer by texasMOMto4 at 10:15 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

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