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5 Bumps

What to do with a break up , restraining order and still wanting the babys dad in our life?

Long story short me and my babys daddy started not getting along due to a meth pipe I found and him denying its was his. Weve been together for 3 years and on our anniversary he came home drunk after being gone for 3 days and we got into a verbal and psyical fight and then I got scared and got a restraining order because he hit me with my baby in my arms. Now I regret getting the restraining order cuz he's not suppoesed to come see me or our 4mo old baby. I still love him after all hes put me through....it just really sucks not having him here ....so much Ive taken down everysingle family picture of us because I would just stare at them and cry. The other night when I came home from work he broke in and took most of his stuff but also took some of my clothing jewlrey and perfume. I hear hes already with someone else and just partying around. That really hurt to hear especially since its been 2 weeks since he's snuck over to see us. But Im thinking he let this new girl come into my babys home and take my stuff and 3 of her full piggy banks.....it hurts so much. Everyone says its just gonna get better but it seems to be just getting worse. We live in a 40,000 people town and alot of people know everyone else Im just scared what Ill do or feel if i see them together. He's supposed to be going to treatment for 6-9months next month on the 5th. But I would just like to know if he does go to treatment and it helps should I take him back after all he has put me and my baby girl through? I cant help but want her dad in our lifes and I really dont want to get with someone else.....its just so hard especially all on my own. I was being able to stay home with baby while he worked but now Im back at work...and he got fired. Uggggg soooo hurt lost and confused.......please give me some good advise!!!

Answer Question
 
n8ivegrl49

Asked by n8ivegrl49 at 10:00 AM on Jun. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (19 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie
    Happypancake

    Answer by Happypancake at 10:01 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • You need to go to counseling and alanon. Its for people who love people with drug and alcohol problems. Itll hurt less eventually. My first ex husband was the same and it took me years to realize my kids were better off without him in our home. What was it teaching them?
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:03 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • move on
    these guys never get completely better. This is more than the drugs,its his personality
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 10:07 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I was with a guy who abused me, granted we didn't have any children, but it took a long time for me to leave. I wasted so much time being with him hoping he would change and he did not. He was also an addict. It got to where I could not do anything that would keep him from hitting me. It sucked to leave because I was co-dependant on him. I left though after one final beating and called the police. I got the restraining order, moved in with a relative because I knew he would not the house we were staying in, and started counseling. It helped so much. Maybe you could try that? Things were hard, it seemed they were harder before they got better, but they did get better. I got to find myself again.

    I know you want your baby's dad in her life but until and IF he gets clean and knows it's not all right to abuse you, it's better he is not around either of you. Stay strong for your daughter. It does get better.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Is there a way for you to leave that town and start over?
    Y.B.normal

    Answer by Y.B.normal at 10:14 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • this makes me so sad because being in your situation i know i would be the same way. ive been in abusive relationships before but thank god my friends (mostly guy friends threatening to beat their a$$) helped me out and i got out of most of those situations...
    BethLinton

    Answer by BethLinton at 10:20 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • look into domestic violence counceling im currently going and if thier is a pervail in your state city town or somewhere close you should go...they are great ppl and will help you get threw tough times!!!!! as far as the restraining order u did the right thing now its time to stick too it which is the hardest part...about ur break in call the police..and think of it this way you have to protect your self and your 4mnth old!!!!!!!!! one day youll meet a good guy and he can b your babys father figure..if bio dad cant clean his act up and really thats 4 the better..and if your baby is a girl you dont want he growing up thinking this is how men r spose to act????? good luck and you can do it!!
    rachel216

    Answer by rachel216 at 10:31 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Omg hello? Tweakers steal! Anyone who is doing meth is going to cheat lies and steal! You need to hold him accountable and enforce the restraining order. This person will serve you no good! He stole your jewelry and money to score dope.As far as taking him back, uh no! Rehab doesn't "fix"people! Keep him away from your child. Right now it's not about you and your still loving him! Your first job is to protect your child from an unstable person! If something happens to your baby in this mix, you are just as accountable!
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:32 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I sure as hell wouldn't want that man any where near me or my kids. Would only do damage
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:53 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I'll bet the person who voted me down has no clue what meth does to a person. It not only endangers themselves, but others ad well. You arent yourself on it! All I can think of I'd PROTECT the child! How is that wrong! Going to rehab for a month isn't a guards tee. In fact, most addicts take a few runs in rehab before they succeed.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:55 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

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