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3 Bumps

One Of Those Stupid Frustrating Things adult content

I realize that this is one of those stupid frustrating things that could probably be somewhat fixed by opening up my face and talking about it in the general direction of The Husband Person when he's not brain-deep in some ultra-fascinating almost magically complicated XBox 360 game, but I'm pretty darn sure I'm not the only person out there who both has this issue and a reticence to discuss it in a properly logical fashion.

For the last decade, I have been the micromanager of our sex life. Back before we had kids, I was the initiator. When we started having kids, I was the scheduler and initiator. I'm also the "event planner", if you catch my drift. So a few months ago, during a routine post-coital conversation I mentioned my roles as President, Vice President, Secretary and Treasurer in the government of our sex life and suggested that it might be nice to have a vacation from that and let him have a go. "Okee dokey then" was his response to that. And that was the last time we had sex, seriously.

I'm not completely stupid, I realize that after a decade of not having to think about any of that, I can't expect a complete 180 on the exchange of a single brace of sentences. I would have thought that the ebb and flow of hormones would have served as a Post-It note reminder of sorts, alas, my husband doesn't read the Post-It notes his hormones leave him any more than he reads the ones I leave him.

Eventually, this situation will resolve itself one way or another, I know that. The reason I wrote this was to
A) Share the story
B) Ask if anyone is the primary motivator of your sex life?
C) If so, do you enjoy that role or are you tired of it?
D) Ask if anyone has a funny way for me to point this out to my husband? Like a prank or a joke or something.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on Jun. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • my husband and i are the same way. Itd be nice to have a break from always being the initiator.. when i stop and let him take control.. nothign ever happens and i end up more annoyed then anything else cuz week by week will go by and nothing! im wondering, at what point will he wanna get some !! haha Not guna lie sometimes it leaves me feeling a little unwanted.

    Answer by kp0469 at 10:29 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • well i ask fr sex all the time but so does he. as for the leader once we are in the bed it would be him. lol you could get one of those horse crop things and some chaps and tell him that if he still wants you in charge you have got some new ideas lol

    Answer by takes_a_village at 10:29 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • We do not have this ssue. DH is always ready to be President in this area. Love the way you typed this out.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 10:46 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I have the opposite problem. My DF tries to initiate and I just cant get 'involved'. He doesnt want to do it if Im not all about it (I have offered repeatedly) I know the problem is me. I have talked to my doctor about it. The scrip I got did nothing but give me migrains. That made things worse. I just want to feel horny again!!! I love my man and Im not interested in anyone else. I tell him this daily. I still think he is sexy as hell. I just dont feel sexy anymore. I actually feel sexless or asexual. I have no idea what to do about it. Im going back to my doctor to ask again. I feel so helpless.

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 10:58 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I am the same way my husband doesnt do anything unless I tell him what to do...I am tired of having that role so I told my husband that if he wanted sex he had to take charge cause I was tired of being the one in charge..So far it has worked because I told him if he didnt take charge then no sex and it worked...

    Answer by shelle21 at 11:01 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I LOVE this!! As the CEO of your sex like I think it would be natural for some type of "disciplinary" action to occur after this many missed appointments. Maybe write him up, or "call him on to the carpet" to discuss his lack or being a "team Player". LOL
    Good Luck!

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 2:57 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I agree with meoma - too bad you don't identify yourself (course I understand with a TMI post). Maybe a sex counselor?

    Answer by tasches at 5:08 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

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