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2 Bumps

What to do about my brother? Need Advice!

My husband and I bought our first house back in 2005, I was only 19 and he was 22. We got married just a 4 months prior and got to enjoy our married life for about 6 months - that's when my brother moved in. He is DH's age, going to be 30 next March, and he's still living with us!!!

I told him back in December that I wanted him out by July. His response was, "Why?" Really!? He shouldn't have wanted to live with us for the past 6 years! He should WANT to be out on his own by July!

He works part-time, barely, delivering pizzas, and has barely looked for a full-time job even after I've given him a deadline. It's now June 24th, and I KNOW he won't have a full-time job by July 1st, which means, he will be asking me if he can live with us longer.

How do I handle this? He's my big brother and I love him, but I'm really tired of our family not having a house to ourselves. I feel like it's sink or swim time and either way, I should just kick him out come July 1st. Is this too harsh? What do I tell him? I'm torn...I hate to see him struggle, but he really needs to learn how to stand on his own two feet...

Advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Jun. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • if you always provide him with an easy way of life he is going to take it if you would cut the strings it will allow him to get his own life out of necessity and maybe once he has it he will enjoy it. but yes you need to kick him out he is far to old for that if he wants roommates thats great tell him to look on craigslist.

    takes_a_village

    Answer by takes_a_village at 10:32 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I think tough love needs to come into play.. It might make him mad.. but you have been more than generous, it seems like hes taking advantage.. and needs to move on.
    MommaB30

    Answer by MommaB30 at 10:33 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Tell him the truth-you and your DH would like to have your house to yourselves. If he has not made an honest effort to find a full time job by now, I don't see what's going to change. I don't think it's harsh at all. He's 30 years old.
    crazycatlady66

    Answer by crazycatlady66 at 10:34 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I agree with crazycatlady
    Dahis

    Answer by Dahis at 10:37 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • You need to kick him out immediately! He is a grown man and needs to have his own life, Most importantly you and your hub deserve to have your home..not including him. Your bro is taking advantage of you and it is time for him to GROW UP!!!
    courtcaton

    Answer by courtcaton at 10:37 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • i agree with every1 above, do what you have to do to make him leave
    mandielynn23

    Answer by mandielynn23 at 10:40 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Remind him how he is a grown 30yr old man & he needs to be on his own & to stop living off of you & your DH, tell him to go on Craigslist & find someone who is looking for a roommate or for him to get an apt. & look for a roommate to live with him. You need to stop babying him because he will never learn to be on his own, he needs that push. So put your foot down & stick to the deadline you gave him July 1st he needs to move out! GL!
    VanillaBlondie8

    Answer by VanillaBlondie8 at 10:40 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Tough love is the only way to motivate him to a better life. As long as you support him, you are enabling him. Im very impressed with your decisions so far. I wish my DF would come to this conclusion concerning his brother. His brother is almost 30 and lives in my basement. He has a part time job at the pet store. I have had some success though. My DF has started charging him rent. $250 a month. I wanted to charge him $500. His dad (also lives in the basement) has started making him pay for his car insurance. My next move is to get him off my DF's phone plan. We also have added him to the kid's chore list/ rotation and he has to make dinner for everyone one night a week. He has been offered a raise at work but turned it down because he "didnt want the responsibility" that came with it! How much F'n responsibility is there in opening a pet store!
    Ms.Gwen

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 10:48 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Kick him to the curb yesterday!! Good grief, he's a grown man and needs to live on his own!! It's YOUR house and he needs to go. I can't imagine my husband putting up with something like this for 6 months, much less 6 YEARS!!
    Bethsunshine

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 11:02 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • He has had months to improve his situation. If at thirty years old, he cant manage to fend for himself, let him hit rock bottom. Your home is not a flop house. I think if you don't kick him out like you said you would, July will turn to August, August will turn to September, etc until you NEVER have a house to yourself.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 11:07 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

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