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Mistake Last night on punishing my son?

My son is 3 years old and is potty trained. Like i said in one of my posts he most of the time has a BM in his underwear from nap even though i make him go before nap time.
yesterday after nap he woke up dry and no poop, i told him awesome job and gave him a big hug. He was so happy and as well as i was. i made meatloaf for supper and butter noodles. We ate like a family and about a half hr before my mom came to say hi, my son told me he had to poop. SO i took him and he did. I was so happy, gave him a hug and kiss, and high five and told him good job. then at 7pm i went up stairs to feed my 9month old son his bottle, and my 3 year old son was watching a show, while my husband was on the computer. I came down and i heard my 3 year old saying i need a bath and whining and holding his butt. (he normally gets a regular bath every weds and sunday, and then other days him and his brother just play in the bath water). I told him why are u holding ur butt and saying bath. He wouldn't answer me and just kept saying it. I then asked him did u poop in ur underwear and he didn't answer. So i looked and he did. I then asked him why did u do that, u knew daddy was in the computer room, u could of asked daddy to help u. so i took his dirty underwear and pants off, put his pull up on, gave him a spanking, made him help me clean out his dirty underwear, and went in the basement so he could tell daddy what he did in his underwear.
Daddy then told me i shouldn't of spanked him because if he does it again he will take it off and hide it because he will be scared of what his punishment should be, but did tell me that i should make my son clean it up with help.
I don't know did i overreact, because i was just mad knowing he was in the living room and daddy was in the computer room at the time, or because i am just sick and tired of cleaning poop out of his underwear.
What is the right thing to do in this type of situation. Should i make him help me clean it up, or just let it go and tell him it is the wrong place for his poop.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:56 AM on Jun. 24, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (9)
  • We've all overreacted! It's part of parenting. If you do make him help clean up, give him gloves to wear. Best of luck

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:59 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • At age 3, I agree that you shouldn't have spanked him over an accident. It took a long time for me to train my daughter with bm...where it was rather easy with tee-tee. Contine to explain to him and show him...these things take time, no matter how bad we hate dealing wtih it. Trust me, I'm in the middle of potty training my youngest daughter and having the same issue. Don't beat yourself up over last night though, just go from here. Good luck in the training!

    Answer by KennsWifey at 11:04 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • First of all us Mommies are not perfect. I am sure I make some parenting boo boo every day. I think it is so respectful to go back to your child and admit your mistake and say sorry. What a wonderful lesson you could give him. That does not change that he goofed too and that needs addressing of course. You did everything else perfectly, just leave out the spank. Don't be too hard on yourself. We do the best we can, we are only human.

    Answer by ochsamom at 11:05 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Its okay at least you realize it and want to correct. Now you can think before you act next time. You're never suppose to discipline. A child angry. Always keep that in mind and good luck with the potty training. Oh and I suggest taking him out for ice cream today and let him know he did a great job yesterday even though he had an accident :)

    Answer by suzzanna at 11:07 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Patience... he's just a little guy and it takes time to learn. If he's not communicating well with you then maybe you should work on that first. He has to be able to tell you what's going on. Positive rewards are better than negative ones. But I understand your frustration. Good luck!

    Answer by Raja828 at 11:23 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • My DD is 3 and I thought I had her potty trained (no accidents of any kind for 3 weeks!) but then she started pooping her pants again. I have struggled with this like you would not believe.....punish, not punish, etc. Finally yesterday, I started a potty chart with stickers for her and took away her regular tv shows.......she now has to earn them by cashing in her potty stickers (she earns 1 sticker for every hour that she has clean underwear, and cashes in 4 stickers for a tv show......that way she can have the occasional mess up and still earn a reward in a reasonable time frame, and can't earn more than 4 shows in a keep it under my strict 2 hr tv limit). We're on day 2 and no accidents yet.......I'm hopeful!

    Answer by Kimedbs at 11:24 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Everyone makes mistakes.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 11:31 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • From my experience scolding makes accidents worse. My youngest was 4 1/2 when he was finally potty trained. He just didn't care if he went in his pants. Stickers, dancing in celebration, rewards, none of it worked. Finally I just told him he was done and took the diapers away. About 2 weeks later he finally stopped having regular accidents. Occassionally when he's really into something like TV or playing on the playset outside, he'll have an accident. At this point he realizes it's wrong and is already guilty of having an accident. I make him clean it up and tell him everyone makes mistakes, but he has to tell us if he has an accident. When my husband scolded him before he wouldn't tell us and he ended up getting diaper rash and it was worse to clean up. Good luck!

    Answer by Quinn525 at 12:32 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • you overreacted, yes... but you can fix it. I agree about apologizing to him and he's old enough to understand frustration. My son was not fully potty trained until WELL into four yrs old and I got so tired of "crappy" underwear that every thursday, DS was outside with the hose and brush cleaning his underwear from the week.... after three weeks of that, no more accidents.

    Answer by hollydaze1974 at 12:33 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

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