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Extremely frustrated and feeling underappreciated...

i work 8-5 monday thru friday and starting in July i will begin my summer session of college, and my df doesn't have to work right now he's being paid to go to school, he is currently taking 1 class this session the is 9-11:30 mon - thru. well when he's not in school he is at home watching my kids for me, which is pretty easy. my daughter is 8 and my son is 5, he plays video games all hte time with my son. yesterday he didn't have to watch them becasue he went fishing with his brother all day. and today i asked him to do simple cleaning around the house; kitchen, empty the dishwasher, pick up the living room, see what's wrong with our vacuum, help the 5 year old pick up his room and tell the 8 yr old to clean her room. he tells me he's tired and he'll get to it after lunch, which in my head means that i will come home from working all day and have to clean myself, just like i do everyday. but me being extremely emotional these past couple days i break into tears and text him letting him know that i do evertyhning for him and the kids, like coming home and cleaning, cooking and doing all their laundry, and that i just don't feel like they appreciate what all i do for them. no response from him. he thinks i'm upset bc he says i'm jealous that i can be at home laying around, and he constantly brings up that he served in the military and now he gets the luxury of not having to work and is making more than me.

Am i getting upset over nothing? or is it only fair that him being home all day, should help keep the house picked up so i'm not stuck stressing out about it when i get home from working all day?

Answer Question

Asked by abannist at 11:15 AM on Jun. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,465 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • It is pretty amazing how far a simple thank you will go, specially to a mommy :) I do agree he could be doing a little more while he's at home, just pick up after himself. Wait, who is this we're talking about? Your S/O or your dad? Well what does he do? Who cuts the grass, changes the oil, fix things when they're broken, take out the trash, etc.?

    Answer by yesmaam at 11:30 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I understand how you feel. Have you tried talking to him in person and not through text? Also are you jealous that you don't get to stay home like he does? I think you both have valid points, but you both need to help each other out. Just because he said he wil get to it later doesn't mean he won't do it. If he said he will do it later then you should wait to clean until he does. My dh is like that, when I ask him to do something he will wait what seems like forever to do it. Maybe he is just waiting until its his idea ( ithink that's what my dh does lol). If he doesn't do it when he says he will bring that up to him. Tell him you would like more help. I always say something on line the of "I would really appreciate it if you could ______", Or "when you get a chance would youo mind _____?". It's effective but I don't expect him to hop right to it either. I hope your df starts help you around the house more.

    Answer by s.adams83 at 11:31 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • The first thing I would want to say to him (esp. b/c he keeps bringing up serving in the military) is TEAMWORK! I am a former Marine and the military is the one place you learn teamwork and real quick. I would ask him why he doesn't have a teamwork mindset when it comes to your family?? Being part of a team means that he pitches in where ever the help is needed whether he wants to or not!

    I don't think you are upset over nothing. Since he is at home, he should be doing what it takes to keep the home running. That means taking care of the kids, monitoring the kids' chores, cleaning the house, doing laundry, doing dishes, cooking at least 2 meals (breakfast & lunch) wouldn't hurt him to have dinner at least started before you come home. If he is not willing to do the job of stay-at-home Dad right, then maybe what needs to happen is that he goes and gets a paying job!

    Hope it works out for you! =)

    Answer by 7blessings at 11:34 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • "he constantly brings up that he served in the military and now he gets the luxury of not having to work and is making more than me."

    To those whom much is given, much is expected. If he's making more than you all the MORE reason he needs to be working harder.

    You're NOT upset over nothing. He's resting on his laurels. And will get a RUDE re-awakening if he doesn't knock it off.

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:38 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • it's my fiance, he cuts the grass, we split the time taking out the trash, depending on whats broke and who gets to it first. I'll probably be the one fixing the vacuum.

    yeah i've tried talking to him in person, it's the same thing, he says i'm jealous and that he makes more money and so on. no i'm not jealous, if he could make enough money to where i could stay at home all the time to, i wouldn't be frustrated bc i would have the house picked up everyday since i'd be home and not stuck at work till 5. i just wish he would see that he's home ALLL day, it's not hard to do simple little things around the house to keep it looking clean and picked up. instead of me having to come home and spend my entire evening cleaning up after him and two kids.

    thanks for the advice! and for listening to me rant. : )


    Comment by abannist (original poster) at 11:39 AM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • If he isn't willing to help, maybe he should use some of his money to hire household help.

    Answer by momofkids at 12:13 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I don't think you're stressing over nothing either. I'm sure if the roles were reversed, you'd take care of the kids and the house, and he would just expect you to do it. Sit him down and talk to him about it- you work, he stays home, so he should be more forthcoming with at LEAST helping you out, if not taking over the household chores entirely.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 1:06 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Just keep the lines of communication open and try not to resent him ~ He does need to step it up tho, sounds like you are getting stressed and to the point of being depressed.

    Answer by tasches at 5:00 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

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