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I think we should attend some sort of counseling with our oldest child.

Our son is almost 10 and I just feel like I'm losing more and more control here. :( He is becoming more and more defiant. Not just at home but school as well. He has changed friends. While his grades remain great for now he is obviously not interested in anything school related anymore and I'm worried that if we don't do something this summer next school year will be off to a real bad start. I feel like we just need a third party to step in and help diffuse the situation. Someone to give us some tools for regaining the upper hand. I've never had counseling for anything, I'm looking through the phone book and have no idea what I'm looking for. Any advice on seeking a therapist? Can anyone share their experiences good or bad? ANY words of wisdom are appreciated as well. Books to read, etc. I'll try anything.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Jun. 24, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (3)
  • I'd suggest a therapist that has experience dealing with children and teens. Your peditrician might be able to recommend a good therapist as well. When I need help for depression I didn't know where to start looking so I asked my doctor and got the greatest counselor.
    You're son is a little younger than mine but a book I'd recommend for pre-teen like 13 and up is: "7 Things Your Teenager Won't Tell You: And How to Talk About Them Anyway" it was great in giving examples on dealing with different scenarios and we use the 3 rules from the book and its amazing how well that works. At this point they want freedom, but still need our guidance it can be very trying.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 12:11 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Our son (9) has been seeing a therapist for the past year, mostly to address whether or not he has ADD, but we've found it incredibly beneficial just in general. You may find (as I did) that you need to give up some of your control to get to a place where your son isn't so defiant.

    Talk to your pediatrician and possibly to your school social worker or psychologist for a recommendation. Also, Psychology Today has a therapy directory that gives info on therapists specialties />
    I think it is great that you're thinking of this and sooner rather than later is better. Good luck!

    Answer by sweetpotato418 at 9:53 AM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • could be hormones/puberty and boredom. he could be going through some sort of hormonal changes and can't express himself in a manner in which can help you help him, and this can be frustrating. try talking to him, one on one, maybe even consider homeschooling so that you and him can have alone time together. personally, i would use therapy as a last resort...not that there's anything wrong with it, but it may be better to find another way of reaching out to him before signing him for couch time. try finding out what he's interested in and maybe enrolling him in THAT thing. and try to be patient because this can take a while. good luck momma!

    Answer by HappyHmsklNapps at 3:39 PM on Jul. 7, 2011

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