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2 Bumps

Talk about a bomb being dropped!!!!!

My mom got pregnant with me at 18. Her and my sperm donor got married. They were in love and actually planned on getting prego. Well, SD ends up being a complete control freak and has major jealously issues. My mom leaves him when I'm about 1 and raises me on her own. Zero help in any way from him.
Along the way my mom meets my stepdad. They fall in love and have a wedding. I now have a step sister(14) and a half brother(7). We're a happy little family.
Found out LAST NIGHT...... my mom and sperm donor never got divorced and her and stepdad are not legally married. I am almost 23 btw.


She tried to divorce the SD when I was 8, but they couldn't find him. He lives a low-profile life, didn't want to be sued for child support. My mom also didn't want this guy getting any type of rights to me. Another reason is it costs money to get divorced and that's not somethng my parents have alot of.

How would you react if you got this news?

I'll explain my reaction in the answers later.


Asked by CollinsMommy729 at 12:41 PM on Jun. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,802 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Very interesting, but like OP said, she is married in her heart! That's more important than the paper (I'm married legally, but in this case, I don't think there's anything wrong with not actually being married). Hopefully she can work it out sometime so she can move on fully.

    Answer by lizmartinez at 6:21 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Would not change how I feel about anything. Just legal stuff.

    Answer by treynlisa at 12:47 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • it is hard to divorce when you can not find other party
    but can be done, have to post in locaL NEWSPAPER that you last knew he was in the location - very costly
    AND your step kids are your sperm donors legal children until proven in court because the two are still legally married
    does not seem likely that sperm donorwould go after ANY rights at all, and life has gone on with a real man stepping up and life is good right
    big family secret- but sometimes better to not open a can of worms ( the sperm donor could have made life hard even if he wanted nothing to do with parenthood-spite will make some people into monsters and court would have to protect his rights-stupid but how it is set up)
    sounds like everything worked out beautiful

    how would i react?
    being i am older and did have a husband not able to be found for a divorce for over a year - i guess i would not be surprised and grateful i had two great parents

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:52 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I would be like W T F?!? She can divorce him if she can't find him to serve mom went through something like this...she tried to divorce her ex but he was NOWHERE to be found.

    Answer by YerMami24 at 12:47 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Yeah, I'm not sure I would think it was that big of a deal.

    Answer by cheekycherub at 2:31 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • My jaw would be on the floor.

    Answer by onix at 12:47 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I think my reaction would be along the lines of "okay, doesn't really affect anything".. In my way of thinking, it really wouldn't matter. It's not some revelation that would cause me any concern, questions, pain, anger..etc.. Whether or not my mother was still legally married to my bio father would not change my life, my family, the lives/love/pain/joy that we (myself, my mother, my stepdad, 1/2 sibs) have had together.

    It would be a total non issue to me personally.  I'm like FiatPax, I too am older(49) and thinking about all I have experienced/seen  in life and looking at the big picture of life this really wouldn't be a big deal to me.


    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:44 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I told her that I believe in her heart she is divorced from him and is married to my step dad. That's what matters. Not a piece of paper. She was worried I'd feel I had been lied to, but I didn't. They had a wedding and devoted themselves to each other and have stuck to those vows thru the years. I understood the circumstances as to why they haven't been divorced yet. I hope one day they can get it done though so she can not have this on the back burner forever.

    Comment by CollinsMommy729 (original poster) at 2:57 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Sounds like a mess to me ~

    Answer by tasches at 4:56 PM on Jun. 24, 2011