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3 Bumps

Does anyone else feel their kids get more attention then they do?

My husband is a motor coach driver and is gone 5-6 days a week. When he comes home, he wants to spend as much time with our 3 girls as possible which I am happy about because they can really get under my skin when he's gone. However, I feel that I am always an after thought and the only time I get to spend time with him is when it's time for bed. He doesn't have a certain day off that we can plan to do something and we don't have babysitters around us. Today, for example, I was joking around with him saying I was going to pencil myself in his appointment book for 5 minutes of his time and he snapped back at me saying he works hard for his kids and they come before me. Am I overreacting? What am I supposed to do? HELP!! :(

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MomOf3Grlz929

Asked by MomOf3Grlz929 at 2:41 PM on Jun. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • You aren't overreacting!

    This is a common mistake parents make thinking their children come before their spouses because they are not self sufficient.

    The best thing you will ever do for your girls is to show them how a man should treat a women in a committed relationship. Your relationship with your husband will have the most affect on their future relationships.
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 2:46 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I don't think your over reacting, that statement would hurt anyone's feelings! I would let him know when it's "your time" how that made you feel! You should be right at the top of the list, right along with your daughters!

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 2:47 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I personally, would be hurt and upset if my husband shared that sentiment with me.

    My husband and I are firm believers that "WE" are the foundation, the base, of our family unit. That we must be a happy/healthy cohesive unit in order to have a happy/healthy family.We both believe spouse comes before children (just to be clear because someone always has to say "what if" I'm not talking life threatening emergencies, I'm speaking in regards to general everyday life). We, our relationship, needs just as much love, attention, care, etc.as our son needed growing up. Our son is grown and gone, we are both still here together. I can't imagine what our lives would be like today at 49 & 50 years old, married 26 years if we had always put our child first and never put "us" first. Based solely on the relationships of a couple of friends who did live that way, I can say that I don't think we would be nearly as happy or connected as we are
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:55 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • It was a hurtful comment. I would try to give him the benefit of the doubt that possibly he was hurt by your comment as well and responded in kind. Explain to him that you deeply appreciate what a commited father he is, but you value your marriage as more than a coparenting arrangement and want to reconnect and spend some time together. See if he will agree to sit down and discuss it with some basic ground rules like being polite, hearing each other out and keeping the discussion to the subject at hand.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 4:05 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Wrong! While kids do demand a lot of attention - the spouse should ALWAYS come first.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 4:50 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Your spouse should always come first! It's important to raise your children well, but when they get older, they move out! Then it's you and your spouse alone again, and you need to know how to be together still. Your spouse is yours forever, while your children move on, move out, and get married and have their own families.
    lizmartinez

    Answer by lizmartinez at 6:09 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I beg to differ! YOU came before those girls, and while it is admirable that he spends time w/them (he should) you should be #1 top priority! He is married to YOU! No one should put their kids before their spouse. Each has their place of importance in a family and you should come first!
    etexmom

    Answer by etexmom at 11:10 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

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