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My kids will not do this.....

How many of us say this? I know I do. But will it actually happen? Like is another post I said my daughter cant have a BF till high school but how can I really stop her? I remember at that age I would sneak out to see my boyfriend (not that my parent really paid attention) I just keep thinking about how I was as a teen and worried that my kids will be the same.
Will you really stick to your kids about not doing certain things? Or do you think you might bend when the time comes?

 
mommy_of_two388

Asked by mommy_of_two388 at 3:29 PM on Jun. 24, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 43 (154,356 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I'm sure I'll bend as long as they are not hurting themselves or anyone else.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 3:55 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I will share with them the right things to do and let them make the right or wrong decision. It is part of growing up. We can't hold our childrens hands forever.
    Dailyincomeforu

    Answer by Dailyincomeforu at 3:58 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I think it should be fine to let them have bfs as long as they r supervised..etc..so IMO i kno i will let my daughter date in middle school.
    Heather021287

    Answer by Heather021287 at 3:58 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • My mom didn't bend for me, and i wont bend for my kids. Most of the reason kids are the way they are now, is because parents don't pay any attention. I plan on being just as strict as she was. ( even though as strict as she was, i still got pregnant. )
    katie201005

    Answer by katie201005 at 5:14 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • I did not bend. Our dd's did not date at all. No reason too. They weren't looking for husbands at 16yrs old. The only need for dating is to find a mate. The only other reason for dating is because everyone says "it's fun", I see alot of teen mothers who had their share of fun and now, not so much fun. Our girls were more interested in school, grades, extracurricular things. So busy with that. Men and dating will always be there for them when ready. My youngest daughter just Graduated high school an entire year early with the Seniors class and my eldest daughter is studying international language. Both are gorgeous and waiting to date. I'm so proud of my girls.
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 7:48 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • I'm mindful of supporting their developing self-responsibility from early childhood, so I imagine things will proceed similarly into the teen years. Which means I expect to be heard & taken seriously, but not to control them/make their choices for them. This won't be some dynamic that "happens" or "starts" during the teens simply because I can't control them (since they could find a way to do something if they decided to.) Rather, it is intrinsic to the concept of "equal dignity."
    It is true in any relationship--the only person you can control is yourself. Parenting that doesn't rely on control & coercion (using children's feelings or what they care about/value to control their behavior) develops their responsibility well in advance of their teenage freedom.
    So I do realize that I can't expect to control them. But that doesn't imply "bending," caving or giving up. I represent myself authentically, & respect their sovereignty.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:42 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • (by "I represent myself authentically" I just mean I give honest and personal feedback. I own my feelings, I express them freely and share reasons for my convictions or reservations whatever, as well as making my preferences very clear when applicable. It's not about telling them "right" & "wrong"; it's about sharing my convictions, concerns, opinions & beliefs authentically, and having a dialogue, to influence not control. This is the same with my spouse--I expect to be heard & to have an impact on him, and I recognize that these other people in my life can & do make their own decisions. Of course they can "disregard" me or "do what they want," but if our relationship is healthy & reasonably free from coercion & manipulation, that disregard won't be defiance, rebellion, or other knee-jerk reactivity, because they have freedom and know it. This is the way I live with them now, which develops their own self-responsibility.)
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 8:54 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

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