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2 Bumps

If you know someone in an abusive relationship....

My sister's sister in law and her husband fight ALOT. They get drunk and stoned and he beats the crap out of her. My sister and her husband try to help if they are around. Her husband just grabs his brother and knocks him around a little bit or they will call the cops (which of course his parents always throw a fit). His family knows it goes on, and they jsut say it's their business and let them be. I just don't get it... One night my sister called me and told me all of the stuff he had done to his wife that night when they got in a fight. The next day the wife was all over FB saying how great he was and how much she loved him and she couldn't wait for hteir date that night. I just don't get it... I've never been in an abusive relationship before. Anyone that I've known who was in one got out as soon as they had the chance. (and trust me, she has chances, her family is really really rich and would come help her in a heartbeat if she asked). When I see her posting this stuff on FB it takes everything I have not to say something to her. He is NOT wonderful and perfect. He is a drunk drugged out loser mooching off his parents who uses her as his personal punching bag! Her friends have said they have tried to talk to her before, but she always make excuses. He even hits her infront of the kids. So now her 2 yr old will walk up to her and start hitting her. It's sad... I Finally had to hide her from my newsfeed on FB because I got tired of reading about great and wondeful her so called husband is. Would you say something?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:12 PM on Jun. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • The people who stay are more afraid of being alone or truly believe the person hitting them will change sometimes after you have dealt with that for so long its hard to think you wasted your life . I would not bother because she is the romantic where he does something small like gets her flowers or takes her out to eat and she thinks he is truly sorry. She knows it will happen again saying something might only make it worse but you know the truth.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 6:20 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • She wont change. My husband's friend is in a relationship with a nut case that hits him, breaks all his belongs, cheats, and gave him a life long STD!! All his family and friends told him to leave and he doesn't listen and now they have a baby. I fear that she will use the baby to keep him right where she wants him. He asks his friends what he should do and they stopped telling him because he turns around and tells her what they said!! When someone is in an abusive relationship they make up so many reasons why it is better to stay when it is not!


    If there is a reason to believe the children are in danger then call cps.

    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 6:32 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • Well, when I was in an abusive relationship, it wasn't physical but mental. And I stayed as long as I did because there would be periods of nice between the abusive situations, so I would end up second guessing myself and thinking I was overreacting or something.

    Sometimes it's denial. She doesn't want to admit that she's being abused, so she convinces herself she's not. She convinces herself that all the great things he does far outweigh the beatings. Or, usually there is mental abuse along with the physical, and after a while, the self esteem has been eroded so far that the woman (or man) is convinced that this abusive partner is the best they can do, and that they can't make it without the abusive partner.

    The thing about saying something is sometimes you can and should and sometimes you can't. I wouldn't have wanted someone to say something before I was ready to admit what was going on. I would have felt the need to...
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:44 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • defend him and our relationship, and probably would have stayed longer attempting to prove them wrong, because I wouldn't have wanted to admit that I had gotten into an abusive relationship. But there are some women who are just waiting for someone to offer a helping hand, so they can cling to it and get the hell out of there.

    You have to see if you can figure out which category she falls in.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:45 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • It's alot of things, denial, low-self esteem, dependency...and alot more. That is really sad. Life is so beautiful if people will just give it a chance and live it to it's fullest. I think.....I would have to try to talk to her. If it doesn't change then..you have done your part. It's her life and her choice. Her own parents know what's going on and don't intercede or try to get her help and him help or something.?? I would say, ..after you've tried to talk to her and no change...you need to let go and get on with your own life. Some people just make bad choices in life. If children are in danger is the only other reason I would step in and make a phone call....other than that. You have done all you could. They both have huge issues. Why does life have to be sooooo messy sometimes. ? I'm glad I learned from others mistakes.
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 8:17 PM on Jun. 24, 2011

  • So many people think it is so easy to leave such a relationship. It is not. There are so many layers to it. I would try and talk with her as much as possible. Unfortunately she has to see the light and make that move on her own. For someone who is being abused it is very hard for them to see clearly.
    momofne

    Answer by momofne at 1:13 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • no i wouldn't say anything until she comes to you for help :(
    lizzybee44

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 2:44 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

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