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How do you explain to your kids why they don't have a grandpa?

My son always wants a grandpa who would take him fishing like some of his little friends. My husband's father passed away years ago (before I met my husband) and my father is just not available like that. I wouldn't let him even if he wanted to, he is unreliable and unstable alcoholic. I wish I could give this to my son, but I didn't have a good father, so he is unable to have a good grandfather :(

 
Bubbie0809

Asked by Bubbie0809 at 9:18 AM on Jun. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 31 (47,643 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • This is where really good friends come in handy! My best friend and his parents have kind of "adopted" the kids and I as their own and his dad will take the kids out and do special things with them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:23 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • My hubs dad passed on before we met, and my step-fil passed on when my kids were little. They do have my dad, and he is a hands-on grandpa (for the most part). Do you have an older friend/family member/neighbor who could kind of be an adopted grandpa to your child? Or what about going to the local Senior Center and see if there are any 'grandpas' who are available to spend time with your son, or take your son to a retirement/nursing home and have him interact with some of the grandpas there. He could read to them, listen to them tell stories, maybe play board games or checkers with them... My mil used to visit step-fil in the nursing home and she said that some of the residents really don't have much family or visitors, so your child would be a ray of sunshine to them, and they would enjoy seeing him and spending time with him.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 1:38 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • That is a hard one, does the grandpa ever see him? Just tell him his grandpa is sick....
    older

    Answer by older at 9:23 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • I'm in the same exact position! My SO's dad died prematurely of cancer years before dd was born and my dad is completely unreliable for many reasons--alcoholic is one of them. Since she was born, I've been trying so hard to make my dad a part of our lives, but after I got pregnant and our move away from home, I have to call and text him like 10 times before he calls me back a month later and the conversation lasts like 2 minutes because hes suddenly has to "go". I'm beginning to realize it will never be how I've wanted it to be. I'm sad she will never have the kind of grandpa I had when I was little. However, she has the best immediate family and grandmas she could ever get!!
    a.emily

    Answer by a.emily at 9:34 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • Do you have any good neighbors that might be willing to take on the task? Or even a good friends' parent? I do have one good grandpa but I was always sad that I didn't have a grandpa at my other grandma's house, I actually thought her bf was my grandpa until all of a sudden he was gone. He was great too, he didn't even hesitate in acting like my grandpa when I was little.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 9:47 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • On my side of the family, my child will probably never really get to know my bio mom and dad. My mom is a crazy, pothead, who was abusive, mentally and physically towards me, and my dad is just not really there.

    My brother married my sister in law, who is very cool, and when my mom beat my ass for the last time, I went and stayed with her parents. Her parents are like my second parents whom I have no probably calling ggma and poppa. They're going to be my fill in grandparents for my son.

    Is there anyone you know of that is close to you like that? Like a friends parents maybe?
    monstersmommy20

    Answer by monstersmommy20 at 3:53 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • Just tell him the truth...that his granpa died and that this is part of life but that doesn't mean he can't go and do things with other family members.
    Kids are smarter than we give them credit for sometimes. Talk is the key to everything in a marriage and dealing with tough situations with our childrens.
    dusty1962

    Answer by dusty1962 at 7:42 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • I like the Senior Center idea..my bff used to work at one and she said that some of those people never have visitors..so that would be nice. Maybe you have a great uncle or a family friend that could be their for your son. Hope this helps!
    Heather021287

    Answer by Heather021287 at 11:46 PM on Jun. 25, 2011