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2 Bumps

What is my role as a step parent?

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Jadelyn890

Asked by Jadelyn890 at 10:36 AM on Jun. 25, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Think of it like being a cool aunt....be there for your stepkids as a guardian/adult, support your DH and behind the scenes discuss boundaries and rules and how to enfoce, but you should definitely be in the back seat while on the front lines. These kids already have a mom and a dad. The only time I don't give this adivce is if you are caring for the kids alone for long periods of time. For me, anytime SS was here, so was DH, so I never had the issue of being the only parent in charge. Be polite to his ex no matter what. Always take the high road. Being a stepmothers is not for sissys, its a hard road, GL.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 10:42 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • well, whose got custody of the child(ren), the mother or your husband?
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 10:42 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • Gramsmom said it absolutely perfect!!!
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 10:43 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • FYI, I disagree with anon for a variety of reasons, but mostly because of the age you posted this question in. Trust me, there is NO WAY you can "step in" as a parent with kids this old. Its extremely difficult when the child is 4 or under, but teenagers? Forget it.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 10:45 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • :-). It can be a difficult one at times, but just love them and be there for them just like you would your own. I think one of the most helpful things is to be on good terms with their bio mom. My SO was my kids papa. Their bio dad was not in the picture. At times the kids hated him for the discipline and now they all thank and love him. Just be there for the kids and try to understand what they are going through. It is crucial that you don't criticize or have competition of and with thier mom. They can have 2 great women in their lives. Have a great day... and ignore anons who are less than understanding....
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 10:49 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • depends on your relationship with the child, and how often you have them..
    if you are a full time step parent, your role would be closer to that of a mother.. if you are part-time/weekends step parent you can fall back more into a role of a fun aunt.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:42 AM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • Unless you are married to the custodial parent (in which case, you would be more of a parent figure) you are just an adult in the home. If you and your DH decide that you are the one in the home to do most of the cooking, cleaning and laundry then you are expected to do that while they are there. You are not their made or anything (like if you want them to clean up after themselves, you have every right to ask that of them). You don't really dish out punishments but you have the right to be respected as an adult, just like a teacher.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 1:56 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • I was a stepparent for 10 yrs. My now ex made the mistake of handing over the discipline to me. He should gave been the one doing the discipline with me backing him up. Needless to say SD resented me.
    Theboss779

    Answer by Theboss779 at 4:20 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • Theboss, you are totally right. Dr. Phil says it all the time, step parents are not to discipline! It does NOT work.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 11:49 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • They shouldnt have to call you mom if they dont want to, but they do have to give you the respect that they give other adults like thier father and teachers.
    amber710

    Answer by amber710 at 4:48 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

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