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2 Bumps

I'm not sure how to confront him about this...?

My husband and I just got married but we've been together for almost 4 years. So he was with me while I was pregnant (he's not the father) so he's always been around. But lately, I feel like we aren't on the same page with disciplining her. I don't want to spank her but sometimes when she's really bad and really not listening she may get one. Well, lately he's been spanking her. Not like hard or anything. But just a few minutes ago she was in the bathroom on the counter washing her hands and he went in there I guess she was getting into something she shouldn't and he told her to stop and she wouldn't listen so he smacked her hand twice. Her hand is really red now :( I know he's trying to get her to learn. But lately since we just moved into our apartment, I think she is just still adjusting to everything. Us all living together and everything. And he's been yelling at her more and getting more impatient. I am NOT saying that I never do that because I do. And I am NOT saying he is abusive in any way. He is a really great dad. But I feel like we need to be more patient with her and try to help her in an effective way.

I don't know how to talk to him about this without sounding mean or putting it on him. And I don't know any good suggestive ways to help her listen better. Any suggestions? She is almost 3 by the way. And time-outs don't seem to work either =/

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:28 PM on Jun. 25, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (10)
  • She is in the terrible 2's! It will get better. Take away things but stop the spanking! It will only accomplish one of 2 things,make her aggressive or make her really,really timid and scared!!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 1:33 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • It is too easy to get carried away with spanking! Knock it off!!!!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 1:33 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • Okay I'll def stop the spanking and I'll ask him to do the same...bc I don't think the spanking works anyway.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:34 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • I know what you mean. I have a two year old and it can be hard not to yell after repeating yourself so much. But, try and breathe and take a step back and think everyone has their bad days, I know I do. well, your two year old does to. try removing her from whatever it is she is not supposed to be doing or do something funny to take her mind off of the thing she is after at that time.
    Kaid26

    Answer by Kaid26 at 1:36 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • Good idea. I forgot to add that we continually sit down with her and try to speak to her in words that she will understand. And then like 2 minutes later she is doing the same thing we told her not to. It is literally exhausting after awhile :(
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:38 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • Don't ask him,tell him. Is she still in a crib?
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 1:39 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • Your just going to have to open up to him and tell him your concerns. You don't have to do it in an attacking way just explain to him that your guilty of it too but you feel like it's difficult on her, a new place and you all living together. Don't say it when something just happened but when it's just the two of you. She's pretty young, you can't expect much from an almost 3 yr. old, she's learning everyday and like you said, it's all new to her. You have to speak up for her, she can't do it! As far as making her mind, back up the timeouts or take her fav. toy away, it will work but you have to be consistent!

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 1:45 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • The first thing that comes to my mind is this; that is YOUR child, YOU should be the one who decides HOW she is disciplined. I work in a field where I see step-parents/boyfriends/girlfriends/babysitters who have really hurt little children because they get carried away with spanking or other means of physical discipline. I truly believe, especially with little ones that when you are not bound by blood the line becomes more blurry, there isn't that natural bond there to help control anger and frustration. I am not saying that is the case with everyone, I am just saying that SOME people can harbor underlying resentment for children that are not theirs which would normally help control possible rage. Oh and DO NOT let anyone on here persuade you into choosing a form of discipline, if you believe in spanking, do it, if you don't great.....don't let anyone bully you out of your own beliefs. But it should come from YOU not him.
    Liz30355

    Answer by Liz30355 at 3:58 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • I think one thing that was not mentioned is him. You said your daughter is adjusting to the new place and you all living together. I take that to mean that you havent lived together before as a family. Is that correct? She isnt the only one adjusting to living as family. If you havent lived together before then he is adjusting too and isnt use to living with a 2 year old. It takes some time to adjust, for everyone, you, your child and him. You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel and come up with ways together to punish her when she is misbehaving that suit all of you, not just one of you. Be honest and open. Tell him that you dont like the way that "we" (meaning both of you) punish her and you'd like to come up with ways together to make it more effective. Tell him you know it can be frustrating and that you understand he is adjusting too.
    SMG1120

    Answer by SMG1120 at 4:46 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • You need to decide right now what role you want him to take. Is he going to be the father figure or just the man you are living with? If he's the father figure you need to present yourselves as a united parental front, not as mommy says I can do this, but daddy says no (or vice versa). Second, and this is REALLY hard for some people here to get, spanking is not all bad. You do need to make your personal choice about it, though. If you choose not to, it's ALWAYS not to, not don't spank my kid, but I will when it gets really bad. See how you are alienating the only man who is a father to your child with that?
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 7:44 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

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