Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

Kind of upset-what would you do?

So I am 36, just married my husband who is 46. He and his ex wife have no kids together. Well, he is out playing golf and my daughter just came up to me and said "mom, someone is here." I looked outside and his ex wife is in my yard, petting the dogs. I immidiately started shaking. I went to the laundry room, called my hubby and told him. He said "she probably wants to play with the dogs." I'm kind of mad because this is my residence, not hers. She opened the gate and came into the yard. Would you be mad or am I just having a wicked case of PMS? Please, no bashing. Thanks!


Asked by emmyandlisa at 4:20 PM on Jun. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 26 (28,290 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • I'd be mad, and she and your husband should respect that its your home now and not hers and they are DIVORCED so she needs to move on and not come around. She needs to leave, and if it upsets you your DH needs to say something to her. But honestly you're better than me I would have called the cops for her trespassing, or told her she needs to leave...and if she wouldn't THEN I would have called... and somehow I doubt it was just to see the dogs, seems more like she wanted to check up on you.

    Answer by husky_grlie08 at 4:24 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • If she was with him for 8 yrs. I'm sure she was very attached to the dogs! Poor thing! I feel sorry for her but yeah she obviously needs someone to tell her what her boundaries are and that someone should be your husband. Good for you for not opening the door and engaging with her.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • Tell your hubby to tell her that she can only come to see the dogs when he is home and when they r outside!

    Answer by dancer at 4:31 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • That's really strange. Who does that? Tell your husband to tell her to get her own dogs.

    Answer by Syphon at 4:39 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • Why are you afraid of her? Whatever her reason for stopping by, I don't understand why you couldn't just walk out and ask her or let her know that dh wasn't there and you wanted her to leave. Obviously, it is rude for her to stop by unannounced but is there some reason her presence causes you to shake and lock the doors and have panic attacks. If she is "unstable" or something, then I would leave it to dh to let her know that she is not allowed to come over unless he is there.

    Answer by urbpro at 4:43 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • Even if she did just stop by to see the dogs (which you say she never liked) she should have called first. Wives can have civil relationships with their husbands' exes depending on the situation, as SpiritedWitch stated above ^. You say she left the dogs in the front and went into the back yard. That is out of line. She should not enter that property unannounced. I don't care if she was "in the neighborhood" and wanted to see if you were ... for example ... taking care of her flower garden properly.

    Answer by BigMammaRed at 5:03 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • ok, but were the dogs with them all eight of those years? Maybe she misses them. maybe you should just calm down and don't immediately think negative. Sure maybe she has alterior motives but maybe she WANTS to get you riled up too so your letting her do that to you?? Don't. Don't let her effect you this way, is it worth it? Is SHE worth it? I can understand how you immediately become defensive of YOUR world, fire back with honey and make it not worth her time if that's really why she did what she did. i'm just sayin!! Deep breath, sip of wine, let hubby know that it bothered you and to please handle it!!

    Answer by Liz30355 at 4:34 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • I would have just went outside and spoke to her.

    My sister's SO has two exes. He was still married to the second when they got together. Granted there are two daughters (one from each marriage) in this situation but my sister and both the exes have become good friends. Maybe she feels the dogs are like kids and she wanted to see them without the hassle of dealing with your hubby if it wasn't a friendly divorce.

    However, it is your home and you need to set ground rules if she wants to visit the dogs. Just talk to her and work something out.

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 4:43 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • I think that she thought no one was home and stopped by to spy..but ur hubby should be the one telling her when and if she can come over!

    Answer by Heather021287 at 6:07 PM on Jun. 25, 2011

  • I shut the front door and locked it. I'm still shaking. Yeah, I totally think it was to check up on me too.

    Comment by emmyandlisa (original poster) at 4:25 PM on Jun. 25, 2011