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problems with 3yr old

well my daughters father and i just got done going through court for custody........ We have been seperated for about a year and a half. She is very violent to her siblings...... Breaks anything and everything....... And likes to call her dads girl friend mommy. Yes i have taken these issues to him and he is too stupid to get that there is a problem. He has her every other weekend and she is with me the rest of the time. By the time it is time for her to go back to daddys i have gotten her back to behaving like a normal well behaved 3yr old. But it starts over when she comes back........... Any advise on what i can do to help her or get it through his head?!?!?!!?!?

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jaykivanna

Asked by jaykivanna at 1:21 AM on Dec. 14, 2008 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (6)
  • No, I am sorry. I think there is a potential for some real problems down the road though. If your ex refuses to help you with the behavioral problems, I would try to get a court appointed advocate to sit down with the both of you and discuss the issues. He needs to understand that this is a very bad thing for a child of three, as she is very impressionable right now. Lots of luck to you.
    pupmom

    Answer by pupmom at 1:41 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I dont see her calling the girlfriend Mommy as a bad thing as she is too young to understand what is going on. As for her violence, I would tell him that you are going to seek out, "supervised visits", from now on, because she obviously is not able to cope with all the changes that she is experiencing and she is suffering. That should scare him into seeing that this is a VERY serious issue. I wish you all the best with your little girl. I feel really sorry for her, as she is struggling. It could be as simple as she is having a hard time with the crazy changes and turmoil that divorce is, or at her dad's house there is not a supportive environment for her to deal with the hardship that divorce can be. My heart goes out to you and her, and I hope you guys can make it work, because statistically this can only get worse.
    kirstanbrown

    Answer by kirstanbrown at 1:47 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Hey don't feel like your alone because I am doing the same thing with my ex and he doesn't even care about him. I have two kids by him and he don't care about either one of them so. But the father is with the girl he cheated on me with and my 3 year old calls her mom and he hits my 1 year old (his brother) and breaks things to and he is mean to everybody. When the father does have him I have to get back on track with the sleeping time and his behavior and I talk to the father about the situation and he looks at me like I am the dumb person... I swear I think men are so dumb sometimes its not funny... But if you want a mommy break then he better open his eyes and realize that you need help... Your not the only person who made the babies so if he keeps this up then tell him that you are going back to court and taking full custody... I hope I helped some....
    erikaschick05

    Answer by erikaschick05 at 1:52 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • response to kirstenbrown...."I dont see her calling the girlfriend Mommy as a bad thing as she is too young to understand what is going on".......BULLLLSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry dont mean to be rude..but shes 3..she knows who her mommy is..the thought of my daughter (who is 4)calling her dads gf mom/mommy whatever, breaks my heart!! I AM HER MOM!! not the other girl..ya shes slipped up a few times and has called me by the gf's name, but she knows not to call anyone else mommy..anyyways...continue
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 3:23 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • i totally get where youre coming from with your girl, im in the same situation with my daughter..and her dad..he just doesnt get things either..lol..its a male thing..your daughter is probably just confused..its a tough situation, half the time the kids dont know whether theyre comin or goin..i guess you just need to keep trying to communicate better with the father..and make sure y ou guys are both on the same track..and tell him if he doesnt start to smarten up then you'll take him back to court..cuz its not fair to your child to have to go thru this..if ya ever need to talk, feel free to write me!! :)
    alexis_06

    Answer by alexis_06 at 3:23 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • It may hurt to hear a child call another person Mom, I get that. But, I don't see it as the biggest issue with your daughter when she is struggling with the broken home she has at hand. It's what is to be expected when little ones have to deal with such situations. I don't get at all how it can hurt when you know that is what your baby is exposed to, it is what it is. When they get older, they know who Mom really is, at three how the heck are they going to know who Mom is, when Mom is not always the same person.
    kirstanbrown

    Answer by kirstanbrown at 1:34 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

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