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3 Bumps

How would you feel?

So my DH has had 2.5 days off so far this week and he has a day off tomorrow. Everyday that he has had off he has spent playing video games and relaxing the day away (and sleeping in) I stay at home everyday and not one of these days has he helped me out in the slightest, which I already feel is pretty mean given the fact that I have only gotten maybe a total of 15 hours of sleep ALL WEEK because my kids won't stay asleep and once one is asleep the other wakes up and they switch off all night and I have to tend to them all day also. So anyway right now I am at home dealing with my sick 8 month old son (like I have been doing all week) and I am completely exhausted which my DH knows and right now my DH is over at the neighbors house having a bonfire and getting drunk with the neighbors and his brother (who is also inviting a friend and they are spending the night which nobody even asked me about they just told me it was happening) and when they have come back for more booze they slam the door which keeps waking my baby up once I finally get him to sleep again.... Not only that my hubby says that tomorrow is his day off (like I said he has ALREADY had 2.5 days off and hasn't done anything those days) and he gets to be lazy all day, cuz its his day to "rest".... When do I get to rest? When is it that I get some consideration, respect, a day off, and some sleep? How would you guys feel? Expecially given the fact that we JUST had a talk about this yesterday and I told him how I was feeling underappreciated and overworked and that I just want some help and sleep... What should I do? I am so overwhelmed...

Answer Question
 
nikkis23

Asked by nikkis23 at 12:38 AM on Jun. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (178 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • ...if you already had a talk with him about how this is making you feel...I would make plans with friends tomorrow and since he will be home all day, he can take care of the kids while you go out. :) I wouldn't even ask first, I would just go. Maybe he will get a taste of how it feels and realize he needs to take more responsibility.
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 12:44 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • You poor dear. You are overwhelmed, and your DH is a child. He hasn't grown up yet, to accept his adult responsibilities. I'm afraid that you're going to have to drag him in for marriage counseling or family therapy before anything with change. If you can't afford it, ask around. There are therapists who charge on a sliding fee scale. Check out Catholic Family Services (you do not have to be Catholic).You do not want to be your DH's mother. You shouldn't have to tell him when to come home, when to get up, when to go to bed, when to help with the chores. However, it sounds like he's not going to help unless you do tell him. How come he has so many days off? Has he been fired? You can start by talking to him yet again. Make "I" statements. Say things like "I am so tired all the time. Because the baby doesnt' sleep through the night, I never get enough sleep." Do not make "You" statements, like "you never help me." cont.
    LoreleiSieja

    Answer by LoreleiSieja at 12:44 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Problem with that is I have done it before and he calls me every 2 min. asking me when I am going to be home and what I am doing, who am I with, and how to do something. Not only that I really don't trust him cuz he doesn't even feed my 8 month old baby food, he only gives him bottles and finger food snacks and sits on his butt and plays black ops and making my older two kids stay in there room so they don't get in his way!
    nikkis23

    Comment by nikkis23 (original poster) at 12:47 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I-statements are truths, you-statements are attacks. When you tell him how tired you are, and ask him how he can help, he might volunteer to get up at night with the child, or he might tell you to hire a babysitter so you can take a nap.
    If he ignores you, then how can you help yourself without his help? Can you hire a babysitter once in a while? A housekeeper? Trade childcare with a friend or neighbor? Could you go on "strike" and refuse to wash DH's clothes, or cook his meals until he helps you out?
    I hope you two can work things out. Divorcing him won't help you at all, he still won't be there to help you, and you'll both be poorer because of it. Good luck, and let us know what happens!
    LoreleiSieja

    Answer by LoreleiSieja at 12:47 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I am with the first poster. Just go. Don't answer your phone. Let him deal with the kids for one day. Tell him sorry, but if you don't have a little break he will be getting a permanant break. Stop having kids with this man! Also, take your older kids out too so they can have alone time with you without him around. Ask them how they are feeling and doing. I have a weird feeling about it.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 1:08 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • i feel you most def. my fiance does the same thing and says since i stay home its my job to take care of all this stuff but when do we get time for us?
    carrientravisj1

    Answer by carrientravisj1 at 1:17 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • exactly how can guys say that daycare and housekeeper are jobs but then say that we don't work! Just cuz we don't get paid doesn't mean we don't work and either way we are saving money from someone else raising them, shouldn't that be looked at as pay... And when they go to work they get breaks, days off, the ability to talk to another adult and get away from the house, and they still have the balls to say that they need a break, but we have to work 24/7 so they can have "time off" when is my break? I don't even get a lunch break cuz IF I get to eat I am usually having to change a diaper or feed the baby or something... When is my day off? or vacation time? Why does he feel like he is the ONLY person entitled to sleep cuz he "brings home the bacon" SCREW THAT I AM SO FED UP... when he came home he knew I was pissed and he made a B.S appology and doesn't even know what he did wrong... How dumb can u be?
    nikkis23

    Comment by nikkis23 (original poster) at 6:11 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

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