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2 Bumps

Does anyone have a young adult kid and the thier spouse living with them and getting no help in your home?



I wanted to know if anyone has a young adult, 19 yrs. old and their spouse living with them and that it was suppose to only be for a short time but has turned into alot longer. I made the rules before they moved in and after a short time, they have stopped doing things, or helping with the bills. We only recently ask them to chip in $50 every 2 weeks. All our bills have gone up since they moved back in and his wife is the only one working right now, as my son is getting ready to go into the Air Force.....hopefully soon. I am disabled and I have mrsa and alot of other medical conditions and have had 34 surgeries on different areas of my body. His wife is and has been a jerk since before they got married. I really didn't want my son to marry at such a young age, and I tried to warn him about the girl he married. she is loud, thinks she is always right, talks back to me in my own home. She is disrespectful so much. She controls my son!! They were living with her parents after the last time I and my hubby kicked them out for the way they were treating us. I am kinda a neat freak, but not to the extreme, but I like my house to be clean and things picked up and done right. Trying to get my son to help isn't to bad at certain times, but she does not want to do anything. My hubby works a very hard job and does 12 hour shifts and still comes home and helps clean, cook, laundry and if I need any help. me and my hubby have told them and asked them over and over to do certain things in the house that they just need to do on a daily basis and still they are not keeping up. They think we should pay for food for them, even though they never offer to help or buy out to eat for us. even though we do it for them every week. My house is not being kept clean and it is horrible to ask grown people to take trash out when they see it needs done, or to pick up their dirty clothes and do them in the wash. I just need some advice on the situation, as I do not need to be under all this stress with being so ill right now. It is hurting me worse and it seems like they don't care. I hate to have to ask for help from my own kids, but I really need the help right now!! Anyone can help I would appreciate it so much...thanks.....

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Jun. 26, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (8)
  • Honestly, I'd give them 30 days notice, they need to get out and grow up.
    dedicatedrider

    Answer by dedicatedrider at 1:41 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • My son is 20, lives at home. He has a girlfriend and she's here quite frequently. I'm very fortunate to have a son that does help and do his share. But it took alot of hard core mothering to do it. I don't put up with B.S. from anyone, especially my kids. Your son is being so disresptful to you by allowing his wife and him to treat you this way. If he's old enough to be man enough to marry then it's time to stop enabling him and tell him to move out. I'm sorry for you and you need to take care of yourself, not your son & wife. Tell him you love him and your letting him go to be the man you raised him to be.
    Kathy675

    Answer by Kathy675 at 1:46 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Honestly, I dont know what it is about this age! Sometimes I think it was easier when they were much younger! :) I have a 20 y/o son who we just gave a 30 day notice. He refuses to help out, much less clean up his own messes! He doesn't feel he should have to contribute in any way. But then he feels free to complain about us on FB! I resent having details of family discussions broadcast to the WWW! And I really resent being used & disrespected. We've raised them better- so it seems like it's time for them to test their wings & leave the nest. Life is too short to tolerate such behavior when we really dont have to! GL!
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:51 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Could you afford to pay their first month rent to get them out or a motel monthly rate??? Suggestion.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Get them out ASAP!
    purplerobin

    Answer by purplerobin at 2:03 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • hi hun sounds rough. i am 23 an i live at home with my mom an i have my man an kids here too but i help pay an clean i pay 400 a month plus heat an garbage an other stuff that we need like tolet paper an soap u get it so 50 dollors every 2 weeks is nothing an we made an agreement to make meals everyother night. so its worken so ar i lov my mom but i wish i can live in my own place again. i lost my job because of the pregnacy an will be giving birth next week so once am back on my feet i have a job all lined up for 6 weeks after so as soon as my doc clears me am out worken my a## off an maken money to leave but my mom wants me to stay here an finish the addition an we could have that yes its cheaper but i want my own place an not someone telling me how to raise my kids an what they can an cant do. i dont know if im sounding stupid or not but i loved it out on my own. i had a 3br house with lots of land boy i miss it. good luck
    BOOKER123ABC

    Answer by BOOKER123ABC at 12:01 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I am so sorry that this is happening to you!""""Hugs""" As far as advice, I first would ask you what your views on them being in your house is... because right now they are viewing themselves as independant adults even if they are not acting as such. My best advice to you would be to begin to view this situation as them not living under your roof and as children (no matter how they act... lol!) but to start viewing this as a roommate situation where they are not part of your working household, but an independant entity in themselves. I would sit down and explain this to them, and tell them that as roommates, they must clean up after themselves in the common areas of the house, and after they cook. As roommates you have seperate food, or agree on sharing certain items... etc. Also, since this is your house, I would simply run the chores as if they were not there as long as they keep up after themselves......
    momof2redhedz

    Answer by momof2redhedz at 8:15 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • I mean, you would have to do these things even if they weren't there.... so, act like they aren't. I know that this is not necessarily fair, persay, but it might make things run better... and if they don't act like the roommates that you say they are, you can do what any other person would do... kick them out.... Plus, the added benefit of doing this will help them to stop looking at you for the source of their survival, but to start looking to themselves for their own provision... They wouldn't be able to get away with the stuff that they are doing in any other situation, so they shouldn't in theirs... Hope this helps.... GL!
    momof2redhedz

    Answer by momof2redhedz at 8:20 PM on Jul. 2, 2011

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