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Does your husband/SO help with the household duties?

I am at home 5 days a week with a 4 yr DS and and 9 mth DS. They are both very "needy" children. Because I am trying to keep them occupied I don't have much time to get a lot of the vleaning done that I shoild. I ask my DH to help but h comes home goes upstairs, changes gets on the computer and doesn't come down for an hour then sits on the couch and does nothing. When I ask him to help me with something it takes multuple times and at that point he says I am nagging. What can I do to make hom understand that just because he works all day doesn't mean his day is over when he geta home? Help!


Asked by luvmyboys11 at 9:30 AM on Jun. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (186 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I think husbands should feel responsibilites toward taking care of themselves. What would this man be doing if he were living alone? He'd still need to take care of cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc., so why would there be an expectation that gaining a wife removes those responsibilities? Since there are two of us, we coordinate so that we utilize our time effectively, but my DH has never thought he's entitled to a free-ride when it comes to domestic chores.

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 10:21 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • So long as a man is working and doing the man things such as the lawn, cleaning the garage, fixing things that is in his ability to, then no, a man doesn't need to help with the woman stuff. If he needed help at his job, would you go and help him there? Children are needy, they aren't born doing things for themselves. There are those of us that have many children and do it on their own. This is a trend for this generation that women can't do it on their own. I took 5 kids into New York City for a day trip by myself. I didn't think twice about it. I participated in the Macy's Day parade, left at 3am, did the parade and came home and cooked Thanksgiving dinner for 20. The only help I had was the dishwasher. And I'm not a supermom, just a regular everyday mother who feels it's my career.

    Answer by attap5 at 9:36 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I would let him have his down time, first. It's hard to come home and jump right into household stuff. Then I would sit down with him and tell him that you need help. Explain what you do all day so he has an understanding of what really goes on at home while he's gone.

    Good Luck.

    Answer by Cindy18 at 9:34 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • No and Im one of those moms who doesnt think he should have to either. I am a SAHM, he works sometimes 6 days a week and is tired. He feeds the big dog, takes the trash to the curb when I remember to ask (since a couple are bigger then me haha). He comes to all the kids events. He comes to all the family gatherings. He does help if he sees I am sick or something. Aside from that why should he clean? He works outside the home. My work is in our home.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:39 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • This is JMO for me. I am SAHM-it's my JOB to take care of the kids and the home. I believe in being organized and I feel that today, you cannot do everything without being super efficient. We have so much STUFF...more STUFF means more STUFF to take care of, pick up, put away etc etc. One thing that helped me to make some organizational changes in my household several years ago was [[]] I got some really good basics, a binder with protective sheets and got busy. I still use the same basic schedule today. Also, I always get up at 5am on weekdays & 7 on Sat and 8 on Sunday now. I get so much done before anyone is even awake. They get up and half my day or more is done already. That's where it leaves me time to do things my girls want to do etc. It can be done. I don't expect help from DH unless I'm sick. I do expect him to spend time with kids though as a Dad! That will keep them occupied for a bit.

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 9:51 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • See, I'm a SAHM and feel like the house is my job to keep clean.
    It doesn't always happen that way because my DH wont help me with our DD. She's 2 and needs attention and someone to play with all the time.

    And I do not believe just because you're a SAHM that your duties are the house and kids....
    It took 2 to create the children and it takes 2 take care of them.

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 10:14 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Well the little one is up at 6am. So it's hard fo me to begin with. I have vitamin B12 difficeincy and still with the shots I am exhausted. When he is at home with the kids when I work he does absolutltely nothing and I come homeafter a 12 hour day and have to clan up everything while he sits there and watches me. I take the trash out 50% of the time I do the dishes clean the bottles then still have to pick up the other messes after I worked all day why should it be different fir him? I believe that a husband should help bis wife if she needs it and not complain. Is that so bad.?

    Comment by luvmyboys11 (original poster) at 10:15 AM on Jun. 26, 2011