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2 Bumps

Am I being harsh?

Ok so my son who is 19 is Bipolar, and refuses his meds. Instead h self medicates which is common in people who dont want their meds and at his age. He had early onset of Bipolar disorder. We have tried it all. We went to counseling, put him in rehab, an institution etc. Now he is over 18 and I literally have my hands tied legally I cant make him or take him to get help. As an officer told me it isnt illegal to not take your medication. Since he turned 18 things have gone very downhill.

He moved in with his sister. Stole from her so many times she told me he had to go. She has kids I cant blame her. He has been arrested one time for breaking and entering and was so stoned he hardly remembers. I sent him to jail myself for showing up in the middle of the night drunk trying to talk to me about I dont know what. On Memorial day a cop showed up with him drunk again asking if Id take him. I said no. I told them he can go to the drunk tank.
Now he hardly calls, comes over and I do worry. He was also shot a couple months ago while I am SURE drunk or high and shooting birds and such with his other friend whose like he is (same story almost exactly).
My son now says he has a "NEW FAMILY" and we are nothing to him. So I have stopped taking his calls. I say hi and bye. He cusses me then asks for money and I say no. I go to court July 7th to ask the judge to put him in jail or rehab not probation. I think this is what he needs. Am I wrong or right here?
NONE of my other kids are like this at all. I know its the mental illness but what else can I do?


Asked by gemgem at 9:46 AM on Jun. 26, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 42 (148,630 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Oh mom, I'm so sorry. I have been in your shoes, just not with the mental illness, until just recently with my SD. You ARE doing the right thing. It will be the best for him to get some help. If it is jail, then it will have to be that way. It's one of the hardest things you are going to do as a parent, but know this, if you sit and allow this to continue, something bad can happen and you will never be able to live with yourself. If he goes to jail, you can request an evaluation. You already know his diagnosis, however if he is rediagnosed there, there are more options to get him to take his meds. You are right, people do not want to take their meds to "be normal" and they will self-medicate because it's easier to be thought of as a druggie than crazy. Talk to him when he is clear in his mind. Write to him and reinforce it. And if this "new family" are people that listen to ICP, please email me, we need to talk.

    Answer by attap5 at 9:56 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • There really is nothing you can do. And no I don't think you are being too harsh, I think you are doing what you believe is best for him! And I think you have handled it well and I hope, if this ever happened to me, I could do what you have done. You have done everything you can, your daughter has tried to help him as well, but he will not change until he decides to. He is certainly a danger to himself and others and well, I applaud you for being so strong!

    Answer by ILoveCade at 9:56 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I'm so sorry you're going through this. Maybe there is someone that can convince your son to go into therapy? That would at least be a start.
    I do think you're doing the right thing.

    Answer by TARARENEE at 10:29 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I'm assuming there are other drugs he's taking besides marijuana? or at the very least he's abusing alcohol too correct? while rehab would be my first suggest, because of his situation, I may consider a mental institution.... perhaps if he SEEs what's that like, he may not want to go back..
    although it's difficult.. he's 18.. and your right, legally you do sort of have your hands tied..
    best of luck.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:41 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I would do what you are doing. Use any legal avenue you can to put him on the right path. A well-worded, heartfelt letter to the Judge could have a big impact. I hope for the whole family's sake that he gets the help he needs & gets his life turned around. GL! :)

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:25 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Well, I know people who are bipolar and do not take their meds and they're not like that.
    I mean, they do have bad days. But, never constantly drink, or stay high...that's a choice. And just because he is bipolar doesn't mean he should blame his actions on that.

    Honestly, he's an adult. I would let him make his own choices. I wouldn't even show up at his court date, and whatever the judge decides, he'll have to do.

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 9:57 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • There are different levels of Bipolar which is why you may not see that. I have a degree in psych and learned about that in my classes. He is self medicating and I believe is also an addict because he chose to self medicate for so long.

    Comment by gemgem (original poster) at 10:04 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Therapy is a no go. At 17 I had him in it and he sat there and refused to speak and stared at the counselor.

    Comment by gemgem (original poster) at 10:36 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Hes doing pills and alcohol from my understanding.

    Comment by gemgem (original poster) at 10:43 AM on Jun. 26, 2011