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Would you hyphenate or change your last name in a 2nd marriage?

I have a DD with my ex husband. We changed her last name from just his to mine-his when we divorced. She has a sibling with his last name(I believe just his, but I don't really know). My boyfriend and I have been together over a year and have been talking marriage. I know he wants me to change my name, honestly I really do to. Then again I gave my DD this horrendously long ridiculous name and I still want to share something with her. My boyfriend and I have stopped the convo at a hyphenation, but I don't want it. He won't even discuss hyphanating future kids names so DD can share last names with all siblings, he's super traditional(I tend to be as well) and I understand where he's coming from. What are some thoughts on this?

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Asked by camiam81 at 10:01 AM on Jun. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,979 Credits)
Answers (19)
  • I hyphenated

    Answer by gemgem at 10:05 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I changed my name to my husbands last name. So, my youngest child(my dh's) is the only one I share a last name with now. I think you have to decide whats best for you and your family. What makes your family most comfortable. I think its nice your ex allowed you to add your name to your child when you divorced. My ex would have no part of that, I'm sure.

    Answer by mlmkjw at 10:05 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • No. You are giving your life as a wife to this man so you should be honored to take his name. Your DD will marry one day and you will be stuck with the hyphenated name. It's also harder for people to figure out which last name you are, especially when it comes to looking things up in a computer.

    Answer by attap5 at 10:08 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Oh and FYI you dont have to hyphenate future kids names. We didnt. My son and I share a last name which is why I made the choice myself, my 3 older kids I was with their dad 12 yrs and didnt mind me using another last name. My dh and I have a dd together she only has his last name, no hyphenating. So it is just me and my 11 yr old who share a last name in part since mine is hyphenated. So for instance my last name (not using real one) would be Smith-Jones. My son is Joe Smith. My daughter is Jane Jones. It all works out.

    Answer by gemgem at 10:09 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • It would be nice if ex "let" me. I was planning to just keep his, but he and his gf wanted me to change it. I agreed on the condition that I got to change DD's too.

    Comment by camiam81 (original poster) at 10:10 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • She's going to have a different last name NO MATTER WHAT!! so why dont you just let her have her dads last name and you take just your future husbands last name!

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 10:11 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • You have to do what you feel is best. Personally, unless I married a man who adopts my children and changes their last name to his, I wouldn't change or hyphenate my name. I want to share the same last name as my children, and I went through hell getting my convicted felon ex to agree to let me change their name to my maiden name when I changed it back. I won't negate all that. Now, once my kids are grown and on their own, I would consider changing my last name. Once they're on their own, we don't need that connection of a last name anymore. I'm not sure I can explain why I feel that way, but I do.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 10:12 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • My current hubby is super traditional too. We got married 3 weeks ago and I hyphenated my name. My daughter from my first marriage is my last name hyphenated her dads last name.

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 10:13 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Hmm. Well, does your daughter care about sharing a name? I've been hyphenated my whole life, as have 4 of my siblings. We all dropped the first name as soon as we could. Even if both names are rather common, people will call you by one or the other, never the one you prefer, and not understand how to spell it. If you want to change your name, go ahead. It won't hurt your daughter. I doubt she'll even think of it that way.

    Answer by kit_manson at 10:14 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I kept my last name and won't change my maiden name. I think it's irrelevant.
    I feel this is 2011 and not 1911. :) Times have changed.

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 10:16 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

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