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How do I handle my mom and her lying?

My sister and I just realized a few weeks ago that our mom is lying about just about everything to us. It ranges from what people have said about us, to what one of us has said about the other, to making up stories about our husbands having affairs and fathering other children, to her having cancer - and everything in between! She doesn't know that we're on to her yet. We haven't said anything because she has a history of completely cutting people out of her life that have offended her. We can easily see her refusing to talk to us or our children any longer. We don't want that. We just want the lying to stop. She is seeing a therapist, but I honestly believe she's lying to her too. It's gotten to the point where she's now scaring young children by pretending to sleepwalk and doing bizarre things. Any suggestions? And like I said, I don't want to piss her off so she cuts us out of her life.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:18 AM on Dec. 14, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • This is something you won't be able to change just by asking her to change. So, you have two choices.

    1. Understand that you won't ever get the truth from her and proceed as you have been.
    2. Call her on it and understand that you will be minus a toxic relationship.

    Keep in mind that your children will be observing, and they may get the idea that lying is OK. Or they may get the idea that tolerating lying is OK.

    I think option 2, while initially getting you cut off, may well lead to her changing. Depending on how much she values her grandchildren.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:11 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I first looked at this post because my mom is a pathological lier, but not quite to this extent. Your mom sounds like she has some type of mental problem I would not know how to aprroach this with her, maybe seek professional help and ask them (weather it be her therapist or someone else) because this type of pattern behaviour only gets worse:( Sorry.
    crissym45

    Answer by crissym45 at 3:28 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I agree with gdiamante... lying's not okay and the kids will think that it's okay. With you and your sis, now you know to ask each other before you believe what your Mom says. But what about when she tells the kids things someone "said" about them? Some people just can't tell the truth, even when people know they're lying, it's a disease of the mind I think but it does make it hard to know when they're telling the truth and when they're not. We have one friend and someone will say "is he lying about this?" and the other will say "well his lips were moving so yea it's a good possibility". I never recommend disrespecting a parent, but maybe she won't cut you and your sis out of your lives if you CALMLY talk to her about this, maybe she doesn't even realize how bad she is.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:32 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Well she is trying to get attion from the sounds of it but idk there is nothing really you can do
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • She needs a man..more adventure. I'm 49,married 26 years and I have been thinking saying thing to hurt the ones I love. My hubby is not doing his part in the bedroom.I think of cheating,my adult kids are both living here,ages 23 and 26 and sometimes I just want to scream and take off and leave.Your mom has a hormonal imbalance and is not happy,she needs more activity in her life and fun,like me...before i go insane with bordom.
    breakfastblend

    Answer by breakfastblend at 9:56 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I'd contact her therapist about her lying, and warn her that she may be lying to her/him as well and proceed with the advice of the therapist. People who lie just for the sake of lying are hard to change. Being cut out of her llife is a risk you have to take if you want her to change. Good Luck.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:58 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • As sad as it is, there is nothing you can do. she is trying to get attention. Everytime she lies about what someone said about someone, she is getting pleasure at seeing the drama unfold in the palms of her hands. My MIL is the EXACT same way. DH couldnt take her lying and drama anymore so we stopped all contact with her(resulted from DH having a 4-wheeler accident and she said he ruined her weekend with her 18 year old b/f....who was her daughters ex...yeah)...we didnt talk to her for 2 years and then she had a bad car accident so we decided to try to mend the bridge. things were good for a few months, but the lying and all has started again. We even told her she would not see our 1y-o son if she continued lying and creating drama, but she doesnt think she has a problem.
    trentntats

    Answer by trentntats at 11:22 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Will her therapist even talk to us? We don't even live in the same state. If one of us does call and manages to talk to the therapist, will she be obligated to tell our mom that we called? Also, my mom will go to extremes to make her stories believable. Her therapist ordered a CAT scan after Mom told her she's sleepwalking. The kicker is that I am actually a sleepwalker, so I've gone through all that. She knows just enough to know what to say, but when she was trying to fake it in front of the kids, she REALLY screwed it up. She is married, she has a job, and I still have a younger sibling living at home. She has that sibling believing ALL the stories she tells too. I have no clue if my dad believes it all. I'm hesitant to ask because I think he'll turn around and accuse her of lying and then everything will blow up big and ugly.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

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