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3 Bumps

My husband told me

To "shut the fuck up." We are driving on a trip. I get very upset as a passenger because my exhusband tried to kill us in a car and I get very nervous. He doesn't understand. He drives local for a living and I know he is very safe but I still get nervous. So I asked him last night if I could drive and he led me to believe the answer was yes. This morning he made me get in the passenger side. So we are driving and I see far ahead the cars braking ahead so I said "honey, the cars are slowing down ahead." That is when he yelled at me. This has never happened before. Then he said "you have a control issue and you need help." Not really a question. Just upset.


Asked by emmyandlisa at 10:39 AM on Jun. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 26 (28,290 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • No one should ever speak to someone the way he spoke to you! Ouch! I have the same issue with being just in a car period .. I was with a verbally abusive man for 5 yrs., he always yelled at me in the car.. It was like he knew he had me trapped, I couldn't leave, so that was where the worst abuse took place, he'd not only yell but he tailgated, drove too fast and erratically and it was really awful for me. My blood pressure used to shoot up just getting in the car to drive to the store after he left! PTSD naturally. I'm better now, my counselor said to remind myself I was the one in control now, I could stop somewhere and use a restroom without gettinh yelled at, in fact I could stop anywhere if I felt like it and get out of the car. I'm fine on my own now but when someone else is driving I say a little prayer for our safety and distract myself by reading or going on FB, in other words don't watch the road!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I can see why you are upset! There is never a good reason for a husband or a wife to talk like that to each other. Hugs!

    Answer by Brandi300 at 10:45 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I have control issues with stuff like that too.
    Driving in cars, flying in airplanes, ect. It's more along the lines of, I don't like someone else handling my fate. It sounds stupid, but it's true, because if they fuck up, it can cost me my life.

    My DH likes to do 80 and be 3 feet from the bumper of another car. He learned to drive in NY and is an aggressive driver, and it drives me bat shit crazy.

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 10:45 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Wow, nice guy. He needs to be more understanding of your issue, BUT... you should consider talking to someone about your passenger anxiety. Maybe there are relaxation exercises you can try whenever you have to ride as a passenger.

    Answer by katiemomNY at 10:46 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • If he's driving wrecklessly you have a right to offer to take over. Pull him aside and remind him your concerned there are lives at stake. Nicely let him know the "precious cargo" is very much your concern. This isn't his day job and you should have the right to speak up. Tell he owes you an apology and that you won't allow him to speak to you that way again. It's important you address it now!

    Whether or not he feels you need to control things disrespect should never be allowed. He sees you as controlling, however, he needs to know your concerns and your right to address it. Shutting you up is not going to happen and it shouldn't ever be that way especially in front of kids. Your kids will not respect your keeping quiet, ever.

    Answer by chgomom at 10:51 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • We don't swear in our house and I consider the phrase "shut up" to be just as bad and its never used by anyone period.

    That said if he's never talked to you this way before I'd let it go, my DH and I only have disagreements while we're driving, its hard to be the passenger because you don't know if the driver saw something you did. We both irritate the other when we are the passenger, we just consider part of the drive now it's going to happen.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 10:51 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • PRincessBeth- Why dont you re-read what OP wrote, she wasnt "Trippin" over anything.
    Did you not read that her exhusband tried to kill her???? Wouldnt you "trip" too???
    Didnt your mother ever teach you if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all????
    I hate girls like you who answer questions and are such a B*t*h about it.

    Answer by Amberlovesher3 at 11:01 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • So sorry Emmy that he said that to you, i get that from my husband sometimes too. I can understand your fear. Its not your husband whos a bad driver its other people that you have to be concerned about who dont drive so well.

    Answer by Amberlovesher3 at 11:06 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • yes, amber she did teach me that. and she also taught me it takes one to know one. also, do you think i actually care if you hate me?? please. and no, don't try to make assumptions. i have had very bad experiences and i don't carry them over. don't assume things.

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 11:10 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • you should really see a dr about your anxiety.

    Answer by notjstasocermom at 11:13 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

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