Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

What should i do??..I am Lost!!

Ok well to begin i am almost 4 months pregnant and have a 2 year old son...I take my son to work with me everyday and i am the one the watches him and takes care of him all the time...This weekend my fiance went to a car show in Biloxi which we both agreed he was not gonna go to cause we wanted to use the money to visit family in Miami instead..well last mintune he decides to go and leave me and his son here like always...He has been doing this alot ever since he turned 21...all he wants to do is go out on saturday nights and leave us at home..i know i am pregnant but how is it fair to me that he gets to do this and never has to watch our son 2...sometimes i just get fed up and just want to leave cause he acts like he never cares and he is never home even when he is not working cause he is always working on his car or with his friends and some of his friends i dont like the way they act...one of the has cheated on his pregnant girlfriend...i dont want to be stupid and be overbearing but i am the one that does everything and i never get a break..ever since our son was born i have not had a day away to myself every where i go my son goes with me and dont get me wrong i love my son more than anything but sometimes i just need some me time..what would you ladies do in my situation???

Answer Question
 
JoshysMomma19

Asked by JoshysMomma19 at 10:41 AM on Jun. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (63 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • This is exactly how my last marriage was. Even when I had our DD, he still partied until he got his DUI and then ended up cheating on me.

    Only when I filed for divorce did he change so I postponed it and then I made him mad one day and he then used affection as a tool to 'control' me.

    I filed for divorce 1 year later and ended it. Now that we are divorced, he still parties like before but i don't have to put up with it. The bonus is that he is a good dad but that didn't happen until we got divorced.

    I don't have any advice for you since you cannot change him. He has to want to do that and it sounds like he doesn't.

    Hugs and good luck.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:45 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • What do you want to do? Do you want to leave? Is this worth leaving? Was he like this before you made a family with him? 21 is pretty young to be mature enough to do all that it takes to be a family man, but it can work. Tell him how you feel.
    keisha613

    Answer by keisha613 at 10:46 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I would take so time for yourself, you need a break. He can be responsible for your DS, while you spend time with family or friends. Your resentment is only going to get bigger if you two doesn't start working as a team.

    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 10:47 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I've been raising children for 26 years and never have had a break. It's called motherhood. BUT on the man issue, he sounds like he is acting like a child himself. Going out once in a while is one thing, but it can be done as a family unit. He needs to grow up and realize that he is part of a family now and no some young single stud. Getting him to realize that is a different issue though. I would sit him down and ask him how important family is to him. If it isn't on the top of the list then maybe it's time to let him go and play and you move on so you may in the future find someone a little more mature. Maturity has nothing to do with age. It has to do with your state of mind. There is no reason at your age that you cannot have a family and live as a family.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 10:47 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • You can't change his behavior. Either learn to live with this or move on. I wish it were easier.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 10:48 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • 21 is young, but, I was 20, and my hubby was 21 when we got married. And got pregnant. True, we didn't already have a child, but, we did go out and he did drink and all. When we got married, actually, when we started dating, the going out to the bar STOPPED. 21 may be young, but it's not that young. It's an adult, and he will either be an adult or he won't. You can't make him change, he has to do that himself. You managed to do the right thing, and be a mom, a good parent. You grew up. He hasn't.
    I have a friend that this same thing happened to. Except they weren't 21. Her hubby was 25? Something like that. A bit older then your guy. He never did grow up. She ended up divorcing him. He was an alcoholic, and could have killed their daughter. Some don't grow up, and it's NOT an age thing. Sometimes giving an ultimatum is required. But, you have to stick with it.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 12:29 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • you say you do not like his friends and how they act
    do you think your man is any different? or would you just like him to be different
    you can not change people
    and people are slow to change at best, usually people do not change much at all
    and never change when told to by another person
    sorry, but if you feel like you do it all with one child, it will only be more work from you and less from him when #2 comes along

    wish i had better outlook for you

    some men will get act together if given an ultimatum by the woman he is with, but be sure to back up your words, and be ready to leave and be without him, because most men will not react well to ultimatum
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 1:27 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • i would wait for a good chance for him to be home then right when he gets home say "bye!"
    no need to tell him where you are going because it doesn't matter. try to be gone until 10 or 11 pm and don't call him.
    do it again the next night, and the next night and the next night. once you run out of places to go, then i think you've had enough ME time, then expect him to do the same.
    when you need ME time the next time around, scurry off before he has the chance to

    if your longing to spend time with him, don't anymore, it's a waste of time. i used to long for it until i realized wow, im pretty much on my own here, almost like im single...might as well take advantage of this freeing feeling before the tables turn

    Always try to be happy with the way things are going, no matter what
    i wouldn't bitch about it to him, either, you don't want him thinking hes getting under your skin
    lizzybee44

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 11:23 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
Normal?

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
Never had this before

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN