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I don't want to hear her horror story anymore!

My sd12 had a very traumatic birth (swallowed myconium, collapsed lung, the works) and her whole family replays this over and over. She brings it up at least once a week. I'm 3 1/2 months pregnant and one thing I don't need to hear is this same story. I tell her that at least we know it had a good ending...she's perfectly healthy now. I knew this was going to be an issue and even explained to my dh that I don't want to hear negative feedback from people. It seems inevitable that folks bring up every bad experience and I usually say jokingly,"trust me the last thing any pregnant woman wants to hear is a birthing horror story."

My sd has been acting out since the news of the new baby and I'm reluctant to discourage her from talking about her own story. I've explained that hers was the exception not the rule, I'm a doula, trained in hypnobirthing and waterbirth so I know how positive births can be.

I've got the grownups figured out but what do I say to sd or should I have her dad talk to her?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Jun. 26, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (5)
  • She's 12, she can handle a little bit of truth. Tell her that it can be a little upsetting or scary for you to think of the things that can go wrong when a woman has a baby. Ask her to help you focus on the positive things.

    Answer by Kimedbs at 11:07 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • ~*Wow*~.. she is 12 and everyone still continually talks about it? No offense but isn't the horse dead yet (beating a dead horse)? No one is doing any favors to that poor kid by constantly bringing it up. Yes, she is a miracle, of sorts, but I don't make my kids relive everything that went wrong in each of mine (eldest was a month and half over due, middle pooped in me on the way out, and youngest was on time but scheduled CSection the place was full, or each CSection forced on me)...

    The child should be figuring out how to define what kind of woman she is to become? Soon she'll be hitting that portion of her life and everyone has her or allowing her to live way back at her birth? At what point does she move forward and past

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 11:11 AM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • You have a wonderful opportunity to help build your relationship with your sd now! Here are some thoughts:
    1) help her "bury that horse" as the poster before mentions! Maybe help her put together a special scrapbook of her birth and early childhood. You'll have to get help gathering the pics. Even if she has a photo album already, a scrapbook is different, and it is something SHE should work on, but maybe with you. Let her write down her birth story. Let her put it in her scrapbook, and then have her write down other stories from her childhood. She might only tell that one because it's all she knows. Help her to "complete the story". Then she can move on.
    2) You can begin working on your own baby scrapbook, working with your sd. You can put pics in your album of baby showers, the ultrasound, special friends, painting the nursery, etc. And continue the project of course after baby arrives. Get lots of pics of sd holding (CONT)

    Answer by LoreleiSieja at 12:28 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I'm sorry but someone needs to help her "get over it." Sounds like her mother is encouraging her to be one of those "woe is me" people. She survived. You all know she was fine in the end. Tell her you understand it was a bad situation but its NOT common. My husband had half of his one lung removed when he was less than a month old because it collapsed. I heard about it when I was pregnant but knew of it before. NEVER once a week though. That's a bit excessive. I agree with MommaClark. She has other things to be thinking about.

    Answer by ThatBoysMom at 12:38 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • the baby, and let her write little stories to add to your album. Scrapbooking is a wonderful activity, and she is old enough to do a great job.
    3) Are you comfortable letting your sd take an active part in the birth? Let her see for herself what a "normal" pregnancy and delivery is like, since all she's ever heard are the horror stories. I would think this child will be terrified of having a baby of her own! Poor kid.
    4) my guess is that the relatives keep hounding you, not because the sd's birth was so horrible, but because of what you are. They don't believe in doulas. They want to remind you (again and again) of how risky labor can be, and that all babies should be born in hospitals. What they don't realize is that until recently, all babies were born at home, and that right now the USA has the HIGHEST infant mortality rate among "first world countries". You need to educate your relatives or ignore them.They are idiots.

    Answer by LoreleiSieja at 1:09 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

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