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My daughter invited me for X-mas but just found out she's not going to be there. Why should I go?

My daughter wants me to come for X-mas 8 hours away. I just found out yesterday she will not be home x-mas eve nor x-mas day. I can't socialize with the people she is going to be with and don't understand why she expects me to set along x-mas eve and x-mas day. She could have made arrangement to have early x-mas with her father and the other family group that are heavy drinkers. I don't socialize with those type of people and she knows, of course she did not nor would she invite me to go to these other places with her because she know drinking is against my religious beliefs and under no circumstance with I subject myself to people & places where drinks is going on. So, my question is, should I even bother to travel 8+ hours and set alone at her home while she is off with the drunks? Please help...I would love to be with my daughter and grand-daughter but I really won't even if I go.

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Asked by My_ADD_Daughter at 7:48 AM on Dec. 14, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (17)
  • I wouldn't go. Plan on going the next day when she will be there. The whole point of the holiday is to spend time with family and you can't do that if she's not there.

    Answer by Rebecca7708 at 8:29 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Id tell her you arent coming and be honest why. Last Christmas my dd invited her dad to Christmas and asked me if it was alright first. I was fine with it. He however has issues with me and my dh for whatever reason. He didnt come and she didnt take it too personally. She was upset but she got over it. I would just tell her the truth you arent comfortable. Shes an adult and will have to learn how to handle things like this.

    Answer by gemgem at 9:05 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Christmas is just another day of the year, and you can definitely pick another time to see the grand kids/kids. don't make Christmas the excuse, especially if she won't be there. I would not go, and just visit another time

    Answer by charisma10 at 10:21 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I wouldnt go. Simple as that. And be honest as to why so she knows exactly.

    Answer by Shannon85 at 10:21 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • If she isn't going to be there I wouldn't go. Tell her the truth.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • f it were my daughter, and she was not going to be at her house at all, then I wouldn't bother to drive so long and make plans to visit for a long weekend and do some special things in her area with the grandchild and her. But if she is going to be there (but just in and out) I would probably go. I would offer to watch my grandchild for her so that she can have some late nights with friends and family - bonus that I get my grandchild to myself. Also waking up Christmas day, making breakfast, taking pictures, and opening gifts will be worth it. So you have to weigh the situation. But you can do a lot even if your daughter is not there a lot. Special things in her home that can be your gift to her. Like cleaning it. I loved when my mom cleaned mine. Or putting tiny gifts all over the place for her to find after the holidays. Be creative and thankful for any time you may have.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:51 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Have you asked her WHY she wants you there? If not then find out what she thinks the reason for you to travel all that way just to sit in her house alone would be. Let her know that if you were to stay home at least you would have the option to visit friends.
    Good luck.

    Answer by indigostone at 11:39 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • There would'nt no way! I think that is unfair to you. Actaually It makes me mad just thinking about it.

    Answer by Melanie_Ann at 2:55 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Call her and tell her you will not be their . Tell her why.

    Answer by louise2 at 4:05 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Don't go but make arrangements to go another time when she will be there.

    Answer by Bmat at 6:24 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

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