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Teen Moms: Could your mother have done something to prevent it?

I'm a mom of 3 beautiful little girls, all under the age of 9. I'm not looking to become a grandma anytime in the next several years and am wondering what is the best way to prevent it. And I'm wanting more than the obvious answer of birth control, lol. I don't want to be their best friend, but I want to be able to talk to them about sex and not have them feel it's a dirty thing that you must keep secret. I guess what I want to know is how do you walk the line of explaining sex without encouraging it? I want them to wait as long as possible and for someone they really love. I'm also wondering what role my husband can have in this. Luckily we are still together and he is the father of all 3 girls. Did your moms work and did you feel they didn't make time for you?

I have so many questions and I'm afraid the time is fast approaching. My mom never talked to me about any of this and I've decided I don't want to do it that way with my girls. So any advice any of you can give me, teen moms or otherwise, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks!

 
PTmomma3

Asked by PTmomma3 at 3:08 PM on Jun. 26, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 12 (914 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • She couldn't have stopped it for certain, but many things could have been better. If she had explained that I could approach her for birth control WITHOUT being in trouble, I would have. That's not telling me it's okay to have sex, it's saying that once I've already made that choice she wants me to be prepared. As it was, I didn't have an open or "safe" relationship with her. I never knew when she'd freak out at me for something or praise me.

    Other problems I didn't have: teach them about their bodies. Make sure hey have high self-esteems. Let them know that sex=/= love.

    I don't believe teen sex is the issue. About 95% of my friends have had sex and I'm the only mother/father besides my boyfriend.Try to have her wait a while after beginning a relationship though.
    kit_manson

    Answer by kit_manson at 4:58 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I'm sorry, but I don't agree with anonymous. First of all birth control is not 100% effective. I raised teenage girls, who did not get pregnant, simply for the fact they were not having sex. We talked about sex and everything else and kept the boundaries between parent/child but also friendship too. I did it by being open and honest from the get go. No stork stories. I also taught them to respect themselves. I did not teach them they would go to hell, but taught them that once you give it away, you have nothing special to give to that special someone. If it's already given away, then they are just the next person in line. Respect for yourself is the most important thing to keeping your children from engaging in sexual activity. The next is being careful who else is teaching your children. What is sex ed in school? Is it technical for filled with birth control? And who are their friends.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 3:42 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I could blame them for my getting pregnant at 15 but it was all my decision based on them just being parents. They thought my BF and I were too close and too serious. We made the mistake of saying that we wanted to get married when I graduated. Instead of leaving it alone, they freaked and made the stupid mistake that many parents make ... "We forbid you to see him." And the rest is history ...


    I would just talk with your girls. Be open and honest about sex ... age appropriate so that they understand. That will lay the groundwork for when they get older and it becomes more important. 

    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 3:17 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I got pregnant for the first time at 14, the second time I was 16 and I had my son at 19. Could my mother have stopped me from having sex? Nope. She already locked me in my room all day and taught that ANY type of sexual attraction or activity would buy me a seat in Hell. So I snuck out, ran away, and had sex at school or church. What she could have done that would have helped me prevent pregnancy would have been at first to educate me and second to provide protection. I didn't use protection because I believed it would be evidence that I was sexually active and she would have caught me...

    If you want to prevent pregnancy, have an open dialog with your kids, teach them safety and protection and not just abstinence. Now, at 33 I have 8 kids and would never change any of it! But at 14, having to hand my son over to my mother killed me inside!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:19 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • nope, they were awesome, and i was rebellious... i have learned , but now i am grateul that i had my son
    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 3:43 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • i wasn't a teen mom but all through my teen years i was TTC. i did it because I wanted to rebel against my parents & also wanted more attention from them. growing up i was the outcast... no one cared about what i had to say or how i felt. know what's crazy? i am in my late 20s and it's still that way today so it wasn't "all in my teenage mind". so... i joined the army to get the hell away from them all. lol.
    mrsary

    Answer by mrsary at 3:53 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Nope nothing
    lizziebreath

    Answer by lizziebreath at 3:53 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I guess i would have to say be open and talk.to me about sex and what it can do. My dad was very overprotective and so when i got the chance to show my ass I did. I never had the sex talk. I am really not sure how to prevent it but i talk to my kids now about sex and everything else of course at their age level but i would rather talk to them then some kid at school.i am going to let them be kids instead of being over protective so they don 't have to sneak around
    kyheavensmom

    Answer by kyheavensmom at 3:54 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • sex education is KEY.. I'm not a teen mom, but I had a few friends that were.. and most of them had issues because of a lack of education.. yes they knew the basics from school.. but they didn't realize the financial costs of a baby, the loss of friends, and fun time.. they didn't realize how consistent they had to be with BC.. if you drink with it (alcohol), take other medication, do drugs, or don't take it on time or miss one, you might as well go without, because it's NOT going to be effective then. CONDOMS are a must.. because of failure of BC for reasons above.. or because a select number of women's bodies, actually reject bc pills and other such medications. (mine does). It's also the only way to protect against some STD's... Oral sex is NOT safer than conventional sex. You CAN get an STD in your mouth, just as easily as you could from intercourse, including cancer from HPV.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 3:59 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • My mother NEVER talked to me or my sisters about sex. I had my first child a week before my 20th birthday. I was also married though. I was really afraid for my other sisters since one started having sex at 12. So I asked my father if I could have the talk with my youngest sister since we all know my mom would not. I hope that made a different in her life and she will wait to have sex.

    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 4:41 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

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