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My Husband is in the military PLS HELP ME

He is trying to make a good life for our family but he is in the guard and he wants to go active but if he goes active he will be gone a lot more and these last 3 months have been hell with out him. I want him to do what he can and I know that it would be better if he goes active but I also want him to be around his children to watch them grow up he has missed a lot of his sons life just in the past couple of months being gone already. But with the econimy like it is it will be hard on both of us if he stays home and goes to school while we both work to support the family. I don't know how to handle this and really don't know what to do I have a 16 month and will be havein a baby girl soon. But I kinda of feel selfish to tell him he should go active so I can sit on my ass and take care of our children but then if he stays home no one will be able to spend alot of time with the kids and I think we will have more problems


Asked by Everettsmom163 at 8:55 AM on Dec. 14, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • I am going through the same thing as you are honey, please email me if you want to talk. My husband is already deployed. I know how you feel though, and it really does get better. So please, anytime you need to talk, message me.

    Answer by missie1819 at 10:06 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I was born and raised in a military family. My grandfather served, uncles, biodad, step dad, cousins etc. It is a great life. Yes you have to sometimes not see them for months at a time but was he in the military when you married? I had a hard time adjusting to my now ex husband being in the army guard and wanting to go full time too. My mom told me something Ill share with you. She said how would you feel if the career path you chose was something your husband was against and made it known? Let him do what makes him happy. Men want to support their families and trained soldiers want to serve their country. Try and be supportive and remember you married for better or worse.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:57 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • If there is no other way for you to do it. You wouldn't really see each other if you both worked. Right now, even if he is in the guard it doesn't mean he will be home more often. At least with active duty you get all the benefits. He could do a short contract and if you two don't like it when its over then he can get out. At least the military can not lay you off. Good luck with your decision.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:00 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • No he got in the military to support our son and me

    Answer by Everettsmom163 at 9:01 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • It's a decision that you two should discuss and make together. If he really wants to go, and you stop him he might resent you for it, so I say, listen to what each other has to say about it and go from there.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:22 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I'm active duty - going on 6 years - and while the time away from family definitely sucks, the piece of mind I get from knowing I am providing for my child is worth it. I know that I have a paycheck, a place to live and food if nothing else. I know that at any time, my son can see a doctor and I don't have to worry about a co-pay or how I'm going to pay for any prescriptions. I know I have a "family" I can count on to take care of mine while I am gone. Plus, I get to do something that matters. I'd recommend he do it. As parents, sometimes we have to make sacrifices to ensure our childrens' well being. You're both going to have to give up a little bit but it's worth it to know your kids have what they need. There are also lots of support groups for spouses of active duty members so you won't be alone!

    Answer by alexisw at 10:05 AM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I'm a military spouse of almost 17 years. I have survived deployments, remotes, unaccompanied tours and a lot of separations during the time we've been married.

    I would not change this life and would do it all over again. I have worked to open as many doors for our family as possible. We video conference every week with my husband, we e-mail a lot, we call when we can. The kids and I miss him, but we know he's doing a job that he loves and we know he's dedicated to serving our country.

    Please go into it with an open mind, discuss it further with him, talk to his squadron before he goes active and really weigh out the pros and cons. It can be hard, but civilian life can be as well. It's what you do with your circumstances that really make the difference. Best of luck to you!

    Answer by SkyeGirl at 11:33 AM on Dec. 14, 2008