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I just found out that my daughter was sexual abused by my husband nephew 8 years ago I don't know what do please help me

My daughter is 16 years old now how can I help her she doesn't want me to tell anybody

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Asked by lili74 at 6:41 PM on Jun. 26, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • I WOULD DEFINATELY GET HER SOME COUNSELING. thru your health department or school or whatever resources u have there. I would talk to her first and let her know u care and there is help out there. Maybe one day she might reconsider her actions towards the "nephew". She is almost an adult so it might be hard for her to accuse but therapy is a must for state of mind and over all health! Be loving and good luck. Prayers and hugs sent ur way!

    Answer by SOPHIASMOM at 6:45 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • You think I'm doing the right thing by not telling anybody is their anything legal I can do about it
    Should I tell my husbands sister what his son did to my daughter

    Comment by lili74 (original poster) at 6:55 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I agree with sophiasmom. Maybe a rape crisis center. She isn't going to be able to talk until she is ready. But believe me, this will impact the rest of her life. How she deals with it is going to be key and until she is at peace with what happened, she isn't going to deal with it. Prayers from me also.

    Answer by attap5 at 6:55 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • How old was he? Was it old enough to know what he was doing? If so...he needs to be prosecuted and you should really encourage your daughter to file charges. I don't think there is a statute of limitations on that, especially since she is still a minor right now. It is something that is INCREDIBLY hard to rehabilitate, so chances are, if he has done it to her (presuming he was old enough to know what he was doing) he has done it to someone else and will do it again. If he was young too, it might be indicative of abuse that happened to him that the family should get to the bottom of too.

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 7:01 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • i'm sorry this happened. she needs to get into counceling the sooner the better. I went through a similar situation where i was the victim and now my son was the victim. In each case counceling has been a life saver. I wish someone would have realized right away that something happened like i did with my son. He now has the guidence and help of a therapist, whereas i did not. I'm hoping his life will not be as screwed up as mine was

    Answer by nurse_maya at 9:48 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Get her into counseling but understand that the counselor is legally mandated to report the sexual abuse to the authorities. That will keep YOU out of having to report it. But, something needs to be done.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:32 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • This was my story not long agi. Except my dd was five when she told me and was 4 when it happened. And my nephew was 14. I would go to the authorities. DO NOT say anything to anyone in the family that might go back and tell them. Don't give them time to come up with a defense. This is what we were told when we reported it. After everything was said and done we had more family members on our side than not. They understood that we were protecting our daughter. We found out afterwards that he had done it before. Chances are your nephew has as well. Get her help.

    Answer by Shaken1976 at 7:54 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Okay how old was the nephew when this happened? I think you need to get her to a counselor and quick,,,are you sure it wasn't an "I'll show you mine if you show me yours kind of thing?' If the boy was older, you need to talk to your husband about where to go from there, he could be doing this to other children, so yes your SIL will have to know,, but could you give a bit more info about the ages and what exactly happened? Thanks, and I am so sorry.

    Answer by kimigogo at 11:55 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • If you want your daughter to be open and honest with you about how she feels the last thing you'll want to do is break her trust by telling someone. I was sexually abused as a child and for a long time I didn't tell anyone, I finally told one of my cousins and she ruined our relationship by telling my mother because I wasn't ready to talk to my mom about it but my mom handled it well. I told her I didn't want anyone else knowing, she kept my secret and eventually I did tell a couple other people. Talk to her about counseling, it may be something she wants though don't just to conclusions and push on the idea. I never received counseling for what I went through and I have no hang ups about it. I have good friends, a great husband and wonderful children. The abuse I suffered, which happened by multiple boys and lasted for several years, had no negative impact on me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • At the time he was 14 years old he is now 22.
    So I'm afraid that if I go to the police he is gonna denay everything that happen so is gonna be his words agains my daughters.
    My daughter is a really good kid she is an excellent student she loves soccer she is a top player. I talked to her I ask her how she is doing I ask her what she wants to do but she doesn't want me to do anything she tells me she is find she begs me not to do anything she doesn't want me to tell her dad I think is because she is embarrassed. And I don't want her to go to all this proses if we are not gonna be able to do anything I do want her to get canceling , I just don't want to hurt her anymore.
    Please help I can stop thinking about it I just don't understand why it happen. I hate my self for letting this happen to my baby.

    Comment by lili74 (original poster) at 2:36 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

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