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Do I just sit back and not do anything or should I step in?

I have a very good friend whom I get along with emotionally very well. We just click every time we talk! I love talking with her but I can't stand being with her in person. Her house is horrendous everytime I'm there. Her children make messes and she doesn't clean it up, she always says she'll get to it "eventually". Her furniture is piled with clothes, dirty and clean, there is food crumbs and drinks spilled, you have to walk over things constantly whether its toys or just junk! Her kids are always filthy. Snot hanging from their nose, food all over their faces, and most always naked. They are 1 and 4. The older one is very loud, obnoxious and never listens. Something needs to change in her house but yet nobody says anything. Do I get involved or do I just continue this insane friendship the way it is? I am very heartbroken to get onto her about these things because she's very sensitive...and her husband doesn't seem to mind the mess of his house and children.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:59 PM on Jun. 26, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I would definately mention it, as i am not shy, but mention her kids picking up first, as a hint, and then maybe mention a maid.. see how she handles your reaction next time u go over, or add that u dont want to go over cuz you cant find a place to sit!! A true friend would say something, cuz you do care!! Feel her out, dont be totally abrubt see how she takes one of ur comments or offers first! Good luck!! Yikes.

    Answer by SOPHIASMOM at 9:28 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • If you wanna be good friend, offer to help her out.

    Answer by Imogine at 9:01 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Or don't offer, just do it. Don't sit there and judge her life and say you're her friend. Friends don't judge eachother's life like that and stop being friends because they don't take care of their house. They help eachother out.

    Answer by Imogine at 9:04 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Some people just dont want help, it's tier way of living. You could offer to help clean, help her clean but in weeks it'll be back in the same condition. It's just how some people live. My fathers family were just messy people like this. My brother & his wife live like this. I cannot stand going there between the mess & pets. Yuck!
    And you stand the chance of hurting her feelings.
    She probably knows it's not right but doesn't cate to fix it. And you can't change that.

    Answer by SassySue123 at 9:09 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I would have her come to my house, but I wouldn't keep going to her house.

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:19 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I'm not judging her. I'm concerned for her and her family. Their current living situation just doesn't seem healthy but I don't want her to resent me for telling her she needs to clean up. I want to be her friend, I never said I wasn't going to be her friend anymore, I just don't know if I should continue to ignore her cleanliness situation or if I should risk hurting her feelings by telling her how I feel about it. No I haven't asked in other questions today. I don't have neighbors with children but I'm sure I'll continue to get negative answers, when all I want is someone to help me make the right decision for the sake of my friendship.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:20 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I would just say that you just finished organizing your house and really love how things are now, that you would love to help her organize too - and then do it! It's likely that it may go back to how it is in time, but it's also possible that it's just to a point that she doesn't know where to start now.

    Answer by missanc at 10:14 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • To some people, obsessing over the "little things" like picking up after children right away is just not that important. Honestly if you like her and want to continue the friendship you will respect the fact that she is different than you and that is the way she does things at her house. If it makes you uncomfortable than simply dont go to her house. True friendship is about looking past peoples faults and just being there for them. That goes as long as the situation is just simply messy, I am not referring to situations where it is dangerous. any living situation where there is pests, mold, or waste from pets, then you should voice your concern as a safety issue but do it in a friendly, helpful way.
    A few crumbs, some snotty noses, a children who may not like wearing clothing all the time is not really just cause for CPS or ending a friendship IMO

    Answer by SaturnsMom at 11:42 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Is this the same person who asked about CPS cause you seem like the same person.

    Answer by Imogine at 9:15 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

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