Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Would you consider us "selfish monsters" ?

I am married to a man who has a little boy from a previous relationship, I have a daughter from a previous marriage ( he also passed away when she was 22 months ) ... and I am pregnant with our 3rd child.

Before I came into the picture my husband and my mother in law was raising him ( my husband works 12 - 14 hour days, so he spent alot of time at MILs) every once in awhile his birth mother would pop up for a 15 minute visit.. she has went to 3 or 4 of his birthday and has shown up around Christmas time twice.... and like I said, all of these visits were only about 15 mintues ( never longer than 30 mintues) .... she has always been aloud to see him and at one time encouraged to have a relationship with him... but by HER choice, she hasnt... and it is KNOWN that she drinks ALOT , and very likely into drugs. ( after suspecting drug use, is when she stopped being encouraged to come around) ....

Ok so since we have been together, I have been his mommy... I am the one who now takes care of him on an everyday basis, I put him to bed at night with a story, I make him breakfast and take him to school in the morning, I help him with homework in the evening, I take care of him when he is sick, I do everything a bio. mom should do... my daughter is his sister and we are a real family ....

Over the last 7 years she has never paid child support and now owes over $20,000 , our son hasnt seen her in 2 years ( last time was 15 minutes at his birthday party) ... his birthday is coming up and she out of the blue contacted MIl about the party details so she can come...

My husband then called her back and said that it is time for her to sign over her rights ( he didnt tell her, but it is so i can adopt him and have full legal rights, since it has caused some problems when trying to do things with him) ... and he told her he doesnt even remember her ( which he doesnt , he refers to her as Tisha, but actually her name is Tasha , and really just remembers nothing of her ) .... and that her showing up every once in awhile and calling herself mommy is just going to confuse him... so she gets mad and starts cussing, my husband then tells her she can either sign her rights over or he will report how much child support she owes and since ( we just found out ) she is on probation, she will go to jail... she said she would think about it and hung up.

starting the next day my facebook has been flooded by her family and friends calling us selfish monsters ( and that is the nicest names called ) ... asking me how would it feel if someone came and took my child , etc....

How is that being selfish or a monster or anything else bad... I am someone who is taking care of a child and I just want full legal rights to him , I never took him away from her... she herself left him in seven years she has seen him less than 7 times... how is that a mother ?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Jun. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (39)
  • I am sorry for you all, but mostly for your son, who is also her son. You are not a selfish monster. But you should allow her to be as much of a mother as she is able to be. It sounds as though she has a sickness.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:51 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • So she should be able to pop up whenever... it has been 2 years without any contact , and then she shows up trying to kiss and hug on him, and then 15 mintues later sh disappears again for atleast another year or two ?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:54 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • idk about you, but i'd be blocking all those associated with her, family or friends. there's no reason for you to be in contact with any of them.
    you/dh do what you have to do to get full custody/etc, get her 'rights' signed over, and proceed with adoption. you've obviously been fair enough to her. $20,000???? that's crazy..i would've made trouble for her many, many dollars ago.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:54 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Likely she's been feeding her family and friends with some sob story to get them to support her. She could easily be saying that you rarely let her come by, her son isn't allowed to call her, you force him to not call her mommy, etc, etc.

    I don't know what to say but to disregard their opinions. Fighting them is going to be a losing battle.
    anng.atlanta

    Answer by anng.atlanta at 9:54 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Yes i have blocked everyone who has contacted me on there... I never replied or anything to them... but it is just so hardning that these people ( and there are a ton of them ) who can say such horrible things and not even know... I mean even her mother and sister... who havent seen him since he was a few months old... how can they complain ? Up until a few years ago they were even getting birthday invites and still wouldnt show up or even call to say happy birthday
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:56 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • It doesn't take someone to birth a child to be a mother...FLAT OUT.
    If you take care of him, feed him, bathe him, ect...YOU ARE HIS MOTHER. No blood is needed.

    And probation or not...20 grand, her ass will be in jail. AND - the only selfish monster I see is his bio mom. Maybe if she would get her life straightened up, maybe, just maybe, she could have a real relationship with her son.
    Chloesmom1126

    Answer by Chloesmom1126 at 9:57 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • well it doesn't sound like mom really cares about anyone but herself anyway, so I don't think you can be surprised by this. Change your Facebook settings so only close friends and relatives cans post on your wall. Defriend anyone who may harass you or your dh. Support your dh, love on your son and daughter, and ignore the jerks.

    She probably cares more about her "reputation" when it comes to signing over her rights then she really cares about seeing her son. Do whats best for your son, and don't play into her garbage.
    daughteroftruth

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 9:58 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • If her family gave a darn about that little boy they would be in his life, not bashing you for wanting to make it better. You are doing a great job, mom, don't let her or her family get you down. Good luck (c:
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:59 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • Although I agree with just signing over rights, I still think it's important that you allow her to be a part of his life.

    I however DON'T agree that threatening her was the best way to do it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • I agree the child belongs with you, but I don't see how her forfitting her parental rights changes anything you do! If she wants to relinquish, why not just talk sensibly about it to her instead of threaten! You are risking the chance that mom may clean up her act, have a relationship with him, and the child may feel you forced his mom to relinquish, and you will come out the bad guy. How you handle this now, will have an effect on this child growing up. Make sure you are doing it without manipulation.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:16 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN