Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Do you have to have "passion" in your life ?

I have been with my husband for 7 years ... for the last 6 years, I cant say I have felt any "spark" i feel nothing when we kiss and very few times have I gotten excited about sex with him ( although I like to think about it, because I actually really like it ) ...

But I do love him, I think he is a good husband, good father, and basically he is a wonderful companion ... I have realized this all those years ago and have just tried to find ways to not think about it - afterall I think I am lucky... most women complain about worrying about having their heartbroken or they have someone that parties or sleeps with other women... and here I have someone who is loyal and who loves me.

But now it is to the point to where if I see people kissing or hugging or just people who are so in love and it makes me makes me lonely and it makes me "crave" that...

I actually "crave" a good kiss... a kiss where i feel something.... I have no desire to impress him, I dont care at all about looking nice for him.. and I miss having the feeling of wanting to dress up for your man...

I have tried so many time to make me feel those things for him, but I just cant... I have sent the kids to grandmas, lit candles, put on something nice... but it just isnt there and it doesnt work...

even seeing someone holding hands makes me jealous ... I want to feel the butterflies or something and it is making me so depressed... I try to focus on other things, I try to do things with the kids or the house or whatnot and after I finish those things, that "want" is still there....

I mean if he came to me tomorrow and said he wanted to leave me, I honestly wouldnt be that upset -- I mean i would worry about our children not having a family and things like that, but not that i would miss him or anything.... It is even to a point to where I think in my head that he and one of my friends would be a good match for each other ! What wife thinks that ?!!?

Have you ever felt like this? What do you do ?

I do not want to or plan on leaving him because i would never ruin our family... but i am afraid of becoming even more depressed over this !

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Jun. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • You sound depressed. Losing interest in those things is a good indicator. Id find a professional to help you get to the root of the issue! I have felt this way too. Write down all the things you loved about him in the beginning, what you like now, etc. I really think this is something within you that needs nurturing.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:01 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • The problem is, is that people get stuck on the butterflies and the "spark" or whatever you want to call it and because your idea of love and marriage HAS to revolve around those things, people don't grow up and their love doesn't evolve into something comfortable and mature. Love has to evolve into realizing that the person you lay next to every night goes to work for you every day to support you and your children together. That the person laying next to you, thinks your beautiful regardless of the stretch marks you've gained by having babies. That the person laying next to you loves you enough to want to share their life with you. Gratitude, respect and willingness to give everything you have to each other is all you need.


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:04 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • My DH and I are trying right now to rekindle that "spark". We have been married five years and have three children. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we haven't talked/communicated with each other as well as we should have these past few years. I think talking (about anything and everything) is key to getting back to that place that you where before...the place of butterflies and hand-holding, cuddling... I know Dh and I have a little bit to go before we are back to that place, but we are both committed to reaching it. That's just my opinion on it :)

    Answer by HistoryPixie at 12:31 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • First you shouldn't be worried about running your family because it sounds like its already ruined if your not happy. Would you really want to stay with a man for all the wrong reasons or would your kids be happier if both there parents were happy?I dont think its healthy you thinking the way that you do and have you guys communicated about how you feel?you sound so unhappy and how long do you expect to keep feeling this way? What i think is the best thing to do is if you want to try to rekindle your spark then maybe you two can go to counseling to help ?I do agree there should be a spark with your mate and you shouldn't just be with anyone for convenience. If you guys compromise then you could come up with a solution! good luck to you mommy

    Answer by beauti_ful at 1:58 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Butterflies, "sparks" and long soulful looks are a load of horse pucky some folks made up to sell cheap novels and cheaper trinkets. What caught my notice about your situation was the fact that you don't feel like doing anything to "impress" him. Sweetie, we don't do those things to impress men, we do them to amp up OUR self-confidence and self-confidence will get you noticed. But you can't expect a complete 180 the first time you really give it a shot, you have to keep at it and be consistent, which will leave you consistently confident. The more confident you are, the easier it will be to converse with your husband about the subject.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:21 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.