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Would you care if your SO and an old friend recently upped their communication quite a bit??

long story short- my SO has a lot of friends that are girls, i've known that since day one. we've been together over a year now, and there's an old friend from his traveling abroad days (a girl) that he's mentioned here and there. all of a sudden they've been talking much more- well it's mostly through email.

now here's the thing- i know for a fact it was never physical in the past, and he's even shown me a few emails- totally platonic. i might be going to miami to visit my parents who are about to move there in a couple months. after that was mentioned, he mentioned he may go visit this friend- since she got laid off and would finally have time to hang out (she lives almost across the country, we're in cali).

at first i thought, no way- him go visit a woman? then i realized, it's fine and i trust him (plus she's recently divorced with 2 children and has her hands full, it would be nice for him to visit and be a good friend). BUT all of a sudden i AM jealous b/c i know that they are real close- and always have meaningful conversations, the kind about life and everything- the ones i wish we had more of. so the idea of him going away and talking with her into all hours of the night, something i wish we still did (and used to do before our lives became too busy) makes me somewhat jealous. and the fact that now they email almost daily- and it used to be maybe monthly- also is just somewhat irritating, even though it's on a friendship level.

ugh, so is this normal?? i mean i do trust him, so how do i get over this?? and do you think i should be worried? any advice is great, thanks :D

 
lexi8622

Asked by lexi8622 at 11:51 PM on Jun. 26, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (3,640 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • My husband has several long-term platonic friendships with women. We both know we have something really special between us, and I know that he would not risk that for anything. So yes I would trust him to go visit a female friend.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:54 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Its normal for some people. For my husband, he wouldn't do that so it wouldn't be normal.
    emmyandlisa

    Answer by emmyandlisa at 11:54 PM on Jun. 26, 2011

  • my SO said the same thing, then we got into a huge fight and split up for awhile, we were trying to work things out, it was during the holidays, turns out she travelled half way across the country to see him and yes though it was strictly plutonic before, they hooked up for a one nighter.. so trust your gut honey...
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 12:05 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I dont know, to go across the country, thats alot of effort going into meeting up, its more like a vacation, so I guess it would make more sense to me if you were going together. Only you know your relationship and you know your man and if your both ok with it then thats one thing, but sounds like you may have doubts or it wouldnt bother you in the first place, maybe you guys need to discuss this further....Good Luck!
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 12:07 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I would have to call BS on that one girl. He is too busy to talk to you but can travel to see her> Maybe if he wasn't emailing another woman all the time he wouldn't be so busy. It has nothing to do with jealousy, it's about making YOU a priority.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:52 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • i don't think it's clear- i am traveling ALONE to Miami, FL for some R&R....so he thought of traveling too, and i said that's great- but am just a little concerned of his choice of people to visit...
    lexi8622

    Comment by lexi8622 (original poster) at 12:53 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • shit i would be concerned too..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:29 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • have you talked to her? i would be a little uneasy if i didnt know her personally. there are rare occasions where old friends stay platonic. i have a guy friend that i go and do things with. my dh doesnt like to do a lot of my hobbies and this friend does. while dh hates this guy he knows that all we are, is friends and thats all it will be. but after that being said there is no way id travel across the country to spend a few days with him, all he is worth is an hours drive for a couple of hours hanging out.
    another question where is he staying while he is out there? with her or at a hotel. if its her place then that would raise some serious questions but if he is staying at a hotel then it wouldnt bother me as much. like one of the above said, if it doesnt feel right then it isnt. sometimes jealousy is justified.
    gothmama91

    Answer by gothmama91 at 1:49 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Your going to be with your family NOT the same as him visiting a woman from his past. It sounds ridiculous to me that a man in a happy relationship or in a relationship period shouldn't be making such a drastic effort to be seeing a woman. Period!! She has just gotten divorced and is vulnerable. She is playing the poor me card right Joe and he's either being suckered into it or knows exactly what he's doing. Nothing good can come from this!! It's not about trust, it's ludacris for him to think this is even appropriate behavior. What you are agreeing to let him do while you are away is going to eventually shoot you in the foot. platonic can become sexual very quickly, it's too easy for both of them. I would seriously be evaluating my relationship if he thinks this is ok to do.
    ProudMammaMia

    Answer by ProudMammaMia at 3:36 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I have a male friend who has been my friend for well over a decade - close to 13-14 years, in fact. I love him dearly and I see him whenever he comes home to visit. But, he lives about 1200 miles away, and travelling to see him is something that would never cross my mind. It's too much work and money to visit with a mere friend, no matter how good a friend he might be. And...if I ever DID, if I were in a relationship I definitely wouldn't be going without my significant other.

    I don't blame you for being concerned. I would be, too. At the very least, you need to talk to him about how you're feeling. Better, though, I would seriously think about your relationship and what you want from it, and if he can give it to you. You say he's having talks with her that you wish he'd have with you - to me, that's not a good thing at all.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 7:07 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

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