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I asked a question is it wrong to hate your stepchildren? adult content

With this question I got many different responds. But the situation is that the kids mother left them when they were very young and was hardly in thier lives. When I got married to my husband we decided that I would stay home and not work. The kids started out being a terror. They have lied on me, talked back to me, never hit me, had CPS come to the home because they said that we were not feeding them (and they found that to be untrue), and you name it and they have done it. Now the thing is why I asked the question IS IT WRONG TO HATE YOUR STEPCHILDREN is because they are both grown and have children of thier own. Everyday they constantly come over and ask for money. They both donot have jobs and cannot take care of thier children and always want money to buy pampers or something for themselves. My stepson has stolen form me and my husband but he refuses to believe that are using him. My husband and I got into a big agrument because the boy/man called me a bitc.... and he and my husband went at it. he told his father that he loves me more than him. I am sick of these kids. We went on vacation for a month to Mexico and they called everyday two or three times a day for nothing. My husband thinks that it is his fault because he was always working and could not be here with them. I have laid jobs, college and other things aside to help raise these kids. But now it is my turn--I finished my degree, working two parttime jobs and got rid of the Expedition. But they still keep coming back begging.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:45 AM on Jun. 27, 2011 in Parenting Debate

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • There's no law that says you have to love or like your kids whether they are step-children or not. It's tough to say it but some people just don't have the same connection with their kids other people do, ya know? It doesn't make you a bad parent or a bad person (unless you abuse them) it just means you never had that connection with your child or step-child. So wash your hands of them! If your husband continues to support them tell him to do it with his own money, not yours. Since you are working and earning your own money you have the right to refuse to give those ungreatful bastards a damn dime!!
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 4:33 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Blame your husband, not the kids. They are who they were raised to be. The only way it is going to change is if your DH stands up to them and tells them no more...and then sticks to it. You both need some tough love for these leeches.
    SleepingBeautee

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 12:48 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I don't really like the word Hate... I would think that laying down the law is more appropriate here. You and your husband need to be firm, kick them out of the nest, but tell them you are available for actual emergencies only. I can understand where you are coming from, but it really shouldn't have gotten this far out of control to begin with. I don't really believe you hate them. Moreover, I believe you want them to respect the both of you, while learning their own boundaries in your lives. I'm not trying to be mean or judgmental, but I would seek some counseling for the entire family. It shouldn't have to be like this for you. I wish you all the best.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 12:50 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Agreed. It is your husbands blame. They only get away with what he allows. It's time for some tough love.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 12:52 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I can see why you wouldnt like them, but hating anyone is only heaping hate onto your own soul.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 12:55 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • My answer was too long so here's part 2. My MIL has supported my BIL his whole life until recently and now at 30 something, he's having to learn to be a big boy. Only, she's still helping him out. He moved himself, his girlfriend, and her/their 3 kids into his mom's house and they took over. They abused her in every way possible. She finally moved out of her own house to get rid of them. They bought the house from her and somehow got financed for like $100,000 over the cost of the house. We all stopped talking bc they didn't need any of us and we were tired of the stress they brought us. They don't work and have finally blown all the $ so they have no power, running water... and are trying to get back with the family again. My MIL just bought them gas and groceries when they called stranded at a pawn shop out of gas and $. She is not doing anyone a favor by bailing them out agian but she doesn't see it.
    cstargarner

    Answer by cstargarner at 12:58 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Personally I don't think i'd hate them for it. I'd try my best to forgive them because having hate in your heart for them won't solve anything. I'm not at all saying you should let them take advantage of your husband or yourself. What your hubby doesn't realize is he is enabling them the same way he would be if they were druggies. One day, you two won't be there to support them and where will they be then? The best way to help them is to let them learn to support their own families while you're here for emotional support and to help them when they have a quesiton. Occasionally, we all need a hand (i've had to borrow $ for a couple of weeks before- but have paid it back when I said I would).
    cstargarner

    Answer by cstargarner at 12:53 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • It is wrong to hate anyone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:10 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I try to never hate anyone.. I think you all need to sit down and talk....Hate never solves anything.HUGS!!!!
    angduse1

    Answer by angduse1 at 1:15 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • idk. my SO's daughter is selfish way to promiscuous borderline anorexic and every word that comes out of her mouth is a lie. she uses drugs sets a bad example for the other kids we each have- none together- and i really just cant stand to have her around. now while i do love her i do not like who she is, and do understand why you use the word hate in this context. she was raised by her mother and her string of numerous husbands and boyfriends and didnt know her father until she was 16. her mother was/is a drug addict and very neglectful of her, she has spent most of her time living with other friends and family all her life. for several years though we tried to provide a stable place for her and she did all the things you've spoken about and more. she now lives with an aunt and we provide nothing for her. she has not changed and will be 19 soon but we gave up trying to help her live differantly than she has been shown.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

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