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How do I make it easier for the kids?

Well, as I've said many times before, my SO had to take a job out of state about 2 years ago and I've only been able to see him every several months for a week or so at a time. This time he was gone for 6 months and he was home for 2 whole months.



Well, he left today...and I bawled like a baby...and I didn't see that coming. He will not be here for the birth in a couple weeks...and then the real kicker was our daughter practically chased him out the door asking for more hugs and kisses asking "Where you going daddy?" "You have to go daddy?".



God, I'm crying again. It is the first time in her little life I think she understood that it was going to be a long time before he would be home again and I don't know how to make it easier for her. I know a lot of moms, particularly military (although that isn't our situation) have been through this and I need advice.

 
kabbot01

Asked by kabbot01 at 12:29 PM on Dec. 14, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (11)
  • One other thing, remember that as hard as it is, EVERY day, EVERY hour, EVERY minute even, is one more closer to coming back. When it gets too overwhelming, just step back for a bit and literally watch a minute go by on your watch, and know that you are now one more minute to him being back, you made it through that minute, you can make it through the next one, too! Because as overwhelming as it might seem when you face how long he's going to be gone, you can only live one day, hour, and minute at a time - and you (and your little ones) ARE strong enough to get through a day!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:19 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • If he had to take a job in another state couldn't you just relocate? (After the baby) Would that seem like a better solution? Just keep talking to your daughter and just let her know what daddy is doing.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Does he have access to a computer where he is, and possibly a webcam? I know that's an expensive suggestion, but when my husband had to work away alot I used to make the children feel better by telling them when they could next 'see' him. You could also do it over the phone, as in I know that she's young but maybe tell her that she can talk to him at a particular time on the phone and therefore she may still feel connected to him although he is not there. Sorry I don't really have any great suggestions. Good luck with this situation, and hugs to you honey.
    haleykarson

    Answer by haleykarson at 12:34 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • make a countdown calender. Make sure she has special time each day to talk to him. Let her make pictures for him. As for you,keep busy doing things to occupy your imind.Even if you already have done something, do it again. Read a book.My 1st husband was a soldier and it was very hard on my girls. The countdown calender worked for them.To make it shorter, I would take away the day that had started and not count the day he was coming home and that shortened it by 2 days. I would never let them see me cry. Now, I am married to a truckdriver and he is gone quite a lot, but talking to him helps.Keeping both of you busy is the key.So trying not to sound rude here, Get busy!!!
    Kat122

    Answer by Kat122 at 12:38 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • If you are able to relocate, I would consider it. If not, or in the meantime, something that helped our kids when they were little was we had a jar that my dh decorated with the kids and he filled it with Hershey's Kisses. Then, every day, they were able to get a Kiss from Daddy. I know it might sound silly, but it really helped them.

    Also, if you can get webcams, that will help a lot. You can also have him read books onto videos, tapes, whatever works for you, and your little one can watch them, Have him leave the book behind so she can look at it while he "reads it to her", and he can even say things like "ok Sweetie, it's time to turn the page", stuff like that, so it's more like he's there.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:12 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • your children shouldn't be sheilded from your tears. Well, the sobbing part. But it is normal and natural to miss him and that is where to start. You be a role model for how to cope with a difficult situation and continue to show her your strengths. This way she will continue to feel secure. If she can talk, then she can understand. Start by saying, "I'm sad that daddy has to go and sometimes I miss him so much I cry. But daddy has to work so that we have a house, clothes, and food." Build on that. Find ways to include him every day in your children's lives: a phone call where he reads a story to them over the phone while you hold the book. Drawing pictures for him, sending him baked good they made, and of course the computer! When your children are older they will see this as a testiment to your character and strength.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:28 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • cont...based on your other posts on this site you are a very caring and sensitive mother. This may be going on for a while with the job situation, many families are going through similar things. But you show them that this is a family and famillies do have ups and downs. Being a part is sad and a down but having a home, food, warm blankets, and everyone is healthy is a good thing. Share with her your thoughts that are at her level and encourage her to express hers. You have always been so kind to others on here...now take time to be kind to yourself and allow yourself to wallow a little. Sometimes we just need that. Minute by minute and day by day is the best any of can do.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 2:32 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Hugs for ya'll
    jlynrhodes

    Answer by jlynrhodes at 4:04 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • What does he do? I would tell him that he needed to be home I would ask him if there was a way he could work in town
    LexsiesMommy

    Answer by LexsiesMommy at 5:32 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Why the heck don't you just move? That seems like a very easy solution. I can't imagine my husband missing the birth of a child for any reason on the planet. Heck, I even know of soldiers who have been able to take leave while their wives gave birth. I don't know your situation but unless he works on a fishing boat or something, why not just move. It isn't worth the stress.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

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