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2 Bumps

I came here for help ...

I have a 9 year old little boy , because of problems his dad and i had, he has lived with his dad. i would see him when i could but I guess that wasn't good enough , all my ex could concentrate on was what I wasnt doing, not what I was.

I went to see him a few weeks ago and it broke my heart, he has been calling my exs wife mommy, do you know how much that hurts to hear your child call someone else mommy ?

They are brainwashing him or something, he didnt even want anything to do with me, i tried to hug and kiss him goodbye and he just tried to push me away...

This makes me so upset and makes me so angry and my ex and the woman he is just letting call herself mommy to MY child .

I was wondering on what the steps are to try and get custody of him, i want him to live with his REAL MOM... I do not have alot of money, and one of my family memebrs said it would be almost impossible for me to get him since his dad has had him all of this time and since i owe child support , does that really count against me? I cant pay the child support right now, can they not let me have him if I owe it ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:29 AM on Jun. 27, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (20)
  • Yes not paying child support counts against you.  Children need to be supported financially, even if he lived with you you'd need to find a way to support him.  See if you can get into family counseling.

    The best advice is just to be there for your son and to love him.  He will see through other people's manipulations in time.  He needs your emotional and finanicial support on a consistant daily baises.  Email, write, call and see him.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 7:38 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Why does your ex have custody of your child? Usually the mom has custody and the dad has visitation. I
    Anywhoo I can't really way they are brain washing him because my step son calls me mommy and he rarely wants to talk to his mom on the phone. We don't brain wash him or speak badly about his mom. We all have a good relationship. Maybe your son has withdrawn because you don't see him enough. Try to have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him you love him and hou try to see him as much as you can.

    Answer by suzzanna at 7:46 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Yes, not paying child abuse can count against you. It's going to look like either 1) you can't support your child, or 2) you have chosen to not support your child. Either way, this is going to count against you.

    As far as calling the other woman mom... I'm sure that does hurt horribly! I'm sorry that it hurts :-( The best way you can change this would be to spend more time with him (I get that you spend time with him when you can, but you need to make time, and be consistent with it). I do NOT mean this to be mean, because I'm sure you love your son, but honestly, if you aren't visiting him regularly, and this other woman is the one that's there, taking care of him, then they don't need to be brainwashing him, he sees her as Mom. The way to change this is to be there, spend time with him, and fill that role yourself.

    good luck - I hope your relationship with your son gets better!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:02 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Paying child support is very important in gaining if you want to get your son. A good heart to heart with your son can help you with the hurt feelings that you both have. Start looking for another job that will help you get current on your child support. Get some a group that talks about this same thing.

    Answer by cmholt at 8:37 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Being a mom is a god given gift. It is a very special gift. So do not throw it away. Because later in life regrets of what you should have do can eat you alive.

    Answer by cmholt at 8:46 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Sorry if this hurts,...but here goes... I called my step dad by the name Dad. Why?? Because he was a father to me. He was at every major event in my life, every sporting event, concert, play or whatever. He made sure I had food and clothing, taught me to drive, and was a Dad in every way. My father was to busy drinking his troubles away to pay much attention to us. When my brother and I visited we sat in an apartment alone much of the time. Once he even left us alone in an apartment without electricity during a hurricane. I was 9 and my brother was 2. I was scared out of my gourd. I was able to get in touch with my step dad who drove through a hurricane to come be with us in my dad's house. I knew who to call Dad. I made the decision entirely on my own. If you want your son to call you Mommy then you need to do everything you can to be one.

    Again...Sorry if this hurts.

    Answer by Shaken1976 at 8:46 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • You have to go see a lawyer. If there is no order in place you have equal rights to the child which means he cant keep him. You need to start documenting visits, any money you spend on him, him calling the other woman his mom, things like that. Do that around 6 months. Show up for visits CONSISTENTLY. Then file for custody.

    Answer by gemgem at 8:50 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Don't blame it on the parents............children need consistency and respond to it. Your child is old enough to know that you can't be relied on, so he puts his trust elsewhere. The best thing that you could do is thank your ex and his wife for taking good care of your son and get your stuff together so that you can be the Mom that little boy deserves. If you can't even pay child support, how could you possibly care for him onyour own. I'm not trying to bash you; I don't know what struggles you have, but you need to face reality here.

    Answer by Kimedbs at 10:18 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I'm sorry you are hurt, but your ex's wife is in the mother role. Sometimes it comforts a child to have both parents there, even if they aren't the biological parents. It's hard when his friends have someone around to call "mom" and he doesn't. It isn't a matter of brainwashing. You should actually be comforted in the fact that he is being taken care of enough that he feels comfortable. As far as being behind in child support, a judge isn't going to award you custody if you cannot take care of your child. If you can't pay a little, how are you going to pay for everything? I also don't think it's a good idea to be taken out of a home and put into another one, parent or not. Children need stability. It's all in what is best for the child, not the parent.

    Answer by attap5 at 11:08 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Sounds like you don't see your child that much and your child has made a choice to call the woman constant in his life mom. You are a deadbeat mom financially and it sounds like emotionally. Be glad your child has a healthy homelife and let the child be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

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