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4 Bumps

It is hard to not judge stepdaughter ...

I have been in my 22 year old stepdaughters life for the last 7 years ... I do not try to be her mother because she has one, and like I said she is grown with kids of her own. i do however try to be a "friend" ( who tries to give motherly advice lol ) ... and i do LOVE her children ( they do call me mamaw) ...

Well the point of this is that I am utterly annoyed. She has always been a drama queen but now it is becoming too much.

After she had her first child we helped her get an apt. and get set up for a grown up life ( even though we still help pay for some things) ... but it is hard to even do that, I feel like we are just helping her live this life that isnt going to get her anywhere... but that is a story for another time...

Right now she is throwing a fit because I disagreed with the tattoo she wants for her birthday... even though I personally dont like tattoos for myself, I dont care if someone else wants one... and if she wants one as a birthday gift, i have no problem buying for her ( afterall it is her birthday) ... so she said she wants to get one with her boyfriends name or initials or something to do with him ... i couldnt contain myself and was like " really?" ... so that made her mad... I tried to explain to her that, there is no way we can pay for tattoo removal if they break up... which mad her madder saying they will not ever break up... and then she stopped talking to ( but yes still plans on getting the tattoo)

now I didnt say she couldnt get the tattoo, because it is her body, her birthday gift... but i just tried to explain to her getting something that big in that place, it will be there forever....

She has 3 kids by 3 different guys and her oldest is 4 years old... she has also been married once ( for 7 months) , and has moved 2 completely different men in with her... so if you figure that up, that is 6 men in 4 years ( plus there are more but these are just the ones she "loved") .. but yet THIS guy, the one she has been dating for barely 2 months... well he is the one who gets the honor of his name permanetly written on her...

Does anyone else see why i find a problem with that ?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:19 AM on Jun. 27, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (23)
  • I can see the problem with that. I would ask her to instead get a tattoo of an animal that reminds her of him or perhaps a charm bracelet on her ankle with a symbol of their "love" maybe a heart that she can fill in with their "wedding date" later down the road.
    zoejains_momma

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 8:28 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I see a lot of problems with all of it... First being...If I were paying for my child to live then she would not be moving guys in and out of her home. If she has yet to be responsible for herself then technically she is still living under your roof....

    As for the tattoo...I wouldn't pay for it myself. Especially with that track record. Hell I have been married for five years and still would not get a tattoo of my dh's name. You just never know.
    Shaken1976

    Answer by Shaken1976 at 8:30 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • hopefully he has a common name....sorry, but she's gonna do what she wants to do, probably now just for spite, just back off, and say no more, really nothing can be done...dontcha just love "grown" kids?
    shivasgirl

    Answer by shivasgirl at 8:33 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • She is 22 and has 3 kids with 3 men you still pay for things and you are footing the bill for a tat??? As her "friend" you should be more than a little annoyed.

    She is obviously not making her children a priority. I have 3 tats, so I know what they cost. That money could be much better spent. Yes, I know it is a gift BUT...a mother with 3 kids could surely think of something esle (especially if money is tight, even if it is just for herself) than a tat for a man she has only dated for 2 months.

    How about paying for a visit to a counselor so she can learn to cope on her own.
    sipn_mom

    Answer by sipn_mom at 8:37 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Tell her my cousin who is a tattoo artist warns all his clients when you put someones name or initials on your body you are dooming the relationship. He says it never fails. never. It might be next week, or ten years from now, but every tattoo he has done with someone putting their wife or gf or spouse whatever ends up broken up. Let her get the tat then laugh later when you say I told you so.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:39 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I agree with you, because im stuck with a symbol not even a name, or intial an it drives me nuts, I wished i wouldnt have ever done it, I think she needs to be in a very steay relationship , but even then it doesnt always work, I was in one for 5 years an wish I could change my tat, your right,
    kellylong78

    Answer by kellylong78 at 8:48 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I would just tell her that I'm not paying for it. Then, if you still want to buy her something for her birthday, send her a bouquet of roses with a card that simply says "Happy Birthday!"
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:49 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • wow, she sounds like me when i was 14.

    she is real immature & if it were my step daughter, i would not give her money for a tattoo of some guy's name. That is ridiculous. I probably would not give her any money at all....maybe I'd pay her water bill for her birthday. She sounds extremely spoiled.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:01 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • sipn_mom -

    BEST answer! Who ever voted you down sucks.....

    The fact that she is 22, has no money & 3 kids....yet begs for a tattoo...when she could be sing that money to better herself or her kids shows how immature & selfish she is. VERY SELFISH!
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:04 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Um Yeah. It might have been better if you hadn't said anything. I wouldn't have been able to stop myself though. She's obviously going to make her own decision about the tattoo & have to live with it. Maybe she'll be with this guy for the rest of her life. There are a lot of people who have put ink on their bodies & regret it later. It's so wonderful to see old women who have faded tattoos on leathery wrinkly skin.

    By the way, as far as I figure it, she isn't "grown." Adults make adult decisions. Some people are "grown" when they are 14 & others never are. Someone who keeps putting her quickie boyfriends before her children is not grown.
    Verrine

    Answer by Verrine at 9:05 AM on Jun. 27, 2011

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