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If you have a very sensitive child..

when they get upset, do you comfort or try to be "tough"
My and DH apparently are not on the same page.
My son at 3-1/2 already has been diagnosed with Anxiety, both DH and myself have it and on both sides so its not that big of a shock, but DH also doesn't seem to want to do anything but be tough on him - i think that approach is too firm but then again, my approach of understanding and talking to him about those feelings, my dh thinks I am turning him in to a "baby" - he does get upset more than the average child and cries often so I can see my husbands point but both of us having anxiety, yelling or tough love to me, isn't going to make this better.. any one have any suggestions? I grew up in a loving home and DH's childhood was torture so we clearly look at certain things differently. Any one have good suggestions for sensitive children?

 
maxsmom11807

Asked by maxsmom11807 at 4:26 PM on Jun. 27, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 29 (40,703 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I would tell you hubbs to back off, my son is very sensitive, he loves animals, and loves to be loved,, now he is not spoiled there is a big difference! He thinks that anytime my husband raises his voice at him it means he is disappointed or does not love him, he is now 6 and we have found the best way to deal with it is to focus on the positive things that he does....and he just wants approval, this is very important to some children and best to gain from the parents, rather than outside people.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:52 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • My son is now 11 and he's always been sensitive. i too am like you and my husband sounds like yours! It has taken me years to make my husband understand that our son is who he is and him yelling at our son was not helping him any, it's not going to make him tougher by yelling or telling him to 'suck it up" and quit acting like a little girl! That used to tick me off so bad! Your son is young and his father might possibly be the reason for the anxiety. My husband now is finally seeing our son as his own person. He's not me and he's not my husband, he is who he is. There are sensitive men out there and your son may very well grow up to be one and that's not a bad thing! Even now at the age of 11, my son is the most caring little boy you'd ever wanna meet. Always helping others and a friend to everyone. Just talk to your husband, yelling never accomplishes anything! Good luck!

    anichols1

    Answer by anichols1 at 4:43 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I think the best thing to do is to look at whether or not you are meeting your anxious child's needs. Sometimes they do need the softer side, but it can't be all one way or the other. They need a little "tough love" to push them out of the box. Being mean, or hard, or pushy is not the way to do that though, that will only backfire.

    Try to prepare for situations that will make him anxious, talk about what is going to happen beforehand, let him ask questions, give plenty of time to transition into the activity, and have clear boundaries set of what is expected of him to participate as well as give him a way out of the activity or situation if he becomes overwhelmed. At 3 1/2 I would be more concerned about making him feel safe and comfortable, and that he can trust you and dad not to make him do something that scares him.
    Its.Me.T.

    Answer by Its.Me.T. at 4:33 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • same situation i am in except with dd(6) she cries at the drop of the hat just like i do. so i try to use my personal feelings as to how i would deal with her emotions.
    tiffany0507

    Answer by tiffany0507 at 4:47 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • LOL! I didn't even see who asked the question,, you go with your gut Maxx!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 4:53 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Thanks, see, that's what I am thinking he feels like too, because if he gets yelled at or barked at , he asks, Are you happy at me or mad at me? he's just the sweetest and hates to think we/any one is mad at him, already at this young age.. My DH admitted that he's scared FOR him because he see's so much of him in our son and doesn't want that for him, I told him its not up to us to CHANGE him, we are to help him and guide him and do the best we can for HIM<- he is who he is, we don't get to pick who we want him to be.. although if I could, I'd still not change a thing lol!~ mommies angel for sure...
    maxsmom11807

    Comment by maxsmom11807 (original poster) at 5:01 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

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